And For A Brief Moment, Everything Was Okay

Fic: A Lesson In Letting Go, Rating: R, Pairing: Rude/Cloud/Reno

2009-12-20T02:45:26Z

Title: A Lesson In Letting Go

Pairing: Rude/Cloud/Reno

Warnings: Angst, sex. This fic contains men having sex. If this bothers you, please don't read.

Notes: This has been a long time coming. Life is kind of wearng me down. But now that it is the holidays, I am taking advantage.

Beta: etrix

Reno really had no idea what he was doing. He tilted his head, studying the door in front of him. Usually, he wasn’t so uncertain. But this situation called for someone with a little more...finesse. That’s why he had Rude with him.

Behind him, the bald Turk was quietly studying the back of his partner’s head. A little smile played over his lips. He was quite amused at the change of attitude in the redhead. Several more seconds of silence, he sighed. Lowering his sunglasses, Rude raised his eyebrow.

“Reno, if you don’t knock on the door...I will.”

The redhead turned, giving him a look. “Give a guy a break, will ya? We need to proceed with caution.” He turned back to the door, missing the roll of Rude’s eyes.

Finally, the bald man sighed loudly. Reaching around Reno, he knocked loudly on the door.

Reno glared at Rude. “Why d’ya do that?” His voice was barely above a hiss.

Behind the door, a soft voice answered. “Go away.”

Reno turned back to the door. “No can do, Cloud. You haven’t come out of your room for two days.”

Rude leaned forward. “We’re concerned,” he added solemnly.

There was a long pause. “I’m fine. Now please leave.”

Now Reno was getting frustrated. “If you don’t open the door...we’re coming in.” Rude flexed his fingers, cracking them loudly. There was another pause, followed by footsteps. Then the door opened.

Cloud looked like hell, even by his standards. His hair was hanging around his reddened eyes. Dark circles stood out against his pale skin. Without his huge sword strapped to his back, he looked almost small. He wasn’t wearing his usual outfit, opting for a white t-shirt and black sweatpants. He tried to muster a glare, but failed. “What do you want?”

Reno grinned. “What? Can’t we visit a friend?” As expected, Cloud didn’t return his grin.What Reno wasn’t expecting was the way Cloud’s glare faltered and his body sagged forward. He looked so...defeated.

“I don’t have any friends.” His tone was clipped. Without looking at the Turks, he went to close the door.

Only to be stopped by Reno’s foot. “Now hang on a minute, angst boy. Believe or not, there are people who care about you. Tifa called us in a panic because you hadn’t opened your door in two days.” Well, she called Tseng. Reno had just been there to overhear. “So you do have friends, whether you like it or not. And we’re not leaving until you tell us what’s wrong.” To emphasize his point, the redhead folded his arms. Behind him, Rude mimicked the same movement. Cloud stared at both of them. Finally, he sighed. He moved back, allowing them to move inside.

Cloud’s room was simple. His bed was surprisingly large, taking up the majority of the space. A few scribbled pictures, that Rude suspected Marlene and Denzel had drawn, hung on the wall. Clothes lay around in piles on the floor. Cloud sat on the edge of the bed. He looked up to Reno and Rude, who stood a foot away.

Cloud sighed, eyes tired. “Why do you care so much?”

Reno grinned. “Well, someone has to.” In his head, he compared Cloud to a cute, but vicious, animal. The blond, although quite adept with a sword, was overwhelmingly vulnerable in other aspects of his life. He did need someone to look out for him. Sure, he and Rude had spent countless hours chasing after Shinra’s little experiment-gone-wrong. That didn’t mean that he didn’t consider the blond a friend. Anyone who stood up to Shinra, Sephiroth, and Jenova was alright in his book. He knew Rude agreed with him; even if the dark-skinned man wouldn’t state outright. They were Turks, he would say. And saving a problem child was not high on their list of priorities.

Cloud kept silent. His body was tensed; his eyes unreadable. “I’m fine,” he murmured unconvincingly. “I just need some alone time.”

Reno rolled his eyes. “Unless you want to masturbate shamelessly, I’m gonna say no. You’ve had quite a bit of alone time.” He had never known the ex-soldier to blush. But his cheeks darkened noticeably.

“We’re only trying to help,” interjected Rude. Cloud remained silent, eyes still on the floor. The bald man waited for a few minutes before shrugging. “Figured it was worth a shot. Come on, Reno. Let’s leave him alone.”

Reno stared at Cloud for as long as possible. “I’m coming.” He turned to leave with his partner. Out in the hall, he turned to give Rude a wry grin. “We just want to help? Really?”

Rude gave a non-committal shrug. “Someone’s got to save him from himself.”

“What about all that stuff before? How we were Turks and we can’t be bothered with other people’s problems?” He had a big smile now, feeling triumphant.

Rude opened his mouth to defend himself. But the door to Cloud’s room opened again. The man tried for another glare. “Are you still here?”

Reno gave him a disarming grin. “Why would we want to leave your charming presence?”

Cloud closed his eyes. Of course, they weren’t going to leave. He silently turned back into his room, leaving the door open in unspoken invitation.

Reno was surprised but didn’t show it. This proved that something was wrong. There was a time when Cloud wouldn’t give them the time of day. Now he was willing to divulge his secrets? He must be desperate if Reno and Rude were his first choice.

This time, Cloud gestured them to sit across the room. He observed the two engage in a silent battle over who got to sit on the desk. Rude won, forcing Reno to sit on an uncomfortable wooden chair. Cloud sighed, placing his forehead in his palm. Already he was doubting his decision. It would be better to remain silent.

But Reno expected some preamble leading up to Cloud’s big confession and jiggled in the chair trying to get comfortable. But Cloud just took a deep breath and murmured, “I think I killed someone.”

It was safe to say they were not expecting that. The blond crossed his arms over his chest.

“This guy tried to...” Cloud stopped. Where was he supposed to start? He had gone out two nights before, needing to get out for awhile. He had been restless and awake, sleep not coming easy for awhile. He had found a bar that Cid had recommended.

He wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but the next thing he knew he was in a strange bed. His clothes were in disarray and a stranger was leaning over him. His mind reminded him that even though he had mako in his veins, there were still drugs out there that were capable of taking him out. It just metabolized a lot faster. Instinct taking over, his foot lashed out. It struck the stranger in the chest, propelling him back. Through a window that overlooked a twenty-foot drop to the alleyway below.

He took a deep breath. “I think I killed someone,” he repeated, as if repeating it made it less real rather than more. Silence met his statement. He didn’t look up at Rude and Reno, afraid of what they would say. That thought nearly made him laugh. How bad had things gotten that he was worried about the Turks opinion of him?

“You didn’t kill him.” Rude’s baritone voice echoed in the silent room.

Cloud’s head shot up. Rude was giving him an amused look over the tops of his sunglasses. Reno was smirking while looking out the window. Cloud nodded. Of course, they would find it funny that he told them a secret. What was he thinking?

Rude sighed. “That person you’re talking about? It was a man, right? And he fell out of window near the Honey Bee right?” Wide eyes gave him the answer he needed. “He was fine. He was taken to the hospital. He was bruised and had a few broken bones. But he’ll survive.”

Cloud blinked. That was the most he had ever heard Rude say.

Now Reno chimed in. “In fact, we owe you one, yo. We were supposed to find the person who did it. So congrats!” Reno nearly howled with laughter at the obvious confusion on Cloud’s face. It was surprisingly endearing to see those big blue eyes blinking slowly.

Taking pity on the other man, the redhead explained further, “He was a wanted criminal, Cloud. We wanted to find the person who did it to congratulate them. They did our job for us, after all.” Then, Reno frowned, looking uncharacteristically serious. “You gotta watch out who you allow to give you a drink, Cloud. People will take advantage of a pretty boy like you, as anti-social as you may be. I mean, I understand if you wanna go looking for sex...”

“I didn’t go out looking for sex, Reno.” Cloud sounded tiredly amused. His rested his forehead in his hand, headache brewing. It was hard going from extreme guilt to absolution. The bed dipped down as someone sat on it. A hand rested on his shoulder. The flash of red out of the corner of his eye told him it was Reno. “Much like now, I needed a drink.”

“Well, there’s part of your problem. When was the last time you got laid?” Cloud looked up, eyes obviously nervous. Reno kept up his easy smile, not wanting to scare the blond. “I’m guessing it’s been awhile.”

The deer-in-headlights look didn’t disappear. “Yeah, awhile,” he echoed. Truth be told, he didn’t remember. There were still memories of his life that were like empty holes. He had a faint memory of tangled limbs and quiet gasping and blood roaring in his ears. But that was all. Quickly, the memory shifted to burning pain and a helplessness he swore to himself he would never feel again. His hands involuntarily clenched.

Reno frowned at the tension in the blonds’ body and gathered up Cloud’s hands. Blue eyes blinked. The redhead used his thumb to slowly stroke along the clenched fist. Rude continue to smirk. Cloud was staring, transfixed, at the slow movement of the thumb. “You really need to learn to let things go,” his voice was lowered to a purr. Taking an even bigger risk, Reno leaned forward and carefully pressed his sinful lips to Cloud’s. The blond didn’t immediately respond to the kiss. Reno started to pull away, cursing his impatience. Only to have Cloud suddenly grab a fistful of his hair and hold him in place for the gentle touch of lips.

He heard an approving noise and looked over at his partner, still seated at the desk. He knew Rude’s eyes were bright with hunger behind his glasses. The dark Turk stared at the two of them, drinking in the beautiful sight.

Reno kept the kiss easy… relaxed. He let his hands slowly roam over Cloud’s back, grazing not grabbing, so that the blond wouldn’t feel trapped. He was careful to not let them dip down too far, careful to keep Cloud in a daze. He may have been an impatient bastard, but when it came to seducing a skittish partner, he knew that gentle touches and slow movements were a better way to go. And fuck yes, there was the tongue. He gently sucked on Cloud’s offering, exploring every inch of his wet, rich mouth. Cloud whimpered softly, submitting to the kiss fully.

Finally, the two broke off. Cloud was panting slightly, eyes heavy lidded. Reno unconsciously licked his lips, savouring the taste. The bed dipped down again as Rude settled himself. Cloud jumped, he’d forgotten the other Turk was there. Not wanting to neglect his partner, Reno reached out and trailed his nails over his clothed arm. Even through the material, Rude shivered. Cloud shuffled back a little, looking nervous. Only to be stopped by Reno. The redhead gave him a devastating smile. “Don’t worry. I would think you would be a little happier at the chance to fuck me.” The word rolled off the redhead’s tongue with delicious dirtiness.

Shock skittered up Cloud’s spine. Reno’s smile became positively wicked as he straddled the blonds’ lap. Shakily, Cloud rested his hands of Reno’s thin hips. “You want me to...”

The answering chuckle sent shivers over Cloud’s body that Reno could feel himself. “I want you to fuck me. And then Rude,” he looked back at the other man, “wants to fuck you. That sound good?”

Cloud was trembling now. Desire and nerves waged war in his mind. They were Turks. They had given him no reason to trust them. But the sensations racking his body were addicting. It had been so long since he had had any sort of physical closeness with anyone. For once, he ignored the whispering doubts in his mind. Surprisingly, he found he wanted this so badly, he almost ached with it.

As if sensing the inner turmoil in Cloud’s mind, Reno leaned down and nuzzled along his jaw line. He scattered wet, nipping kisses along Cloud’s neck. Cloud started to gasp, but shoved it back, as if embarrassed to be making noises. Reno sighed. He liked his partners to be vocal if they liked what he was doing. It was all part of the connection he craved during sex. With renew vigour, he sucked on the junction of Cloud’s neck while grinding down with his hips. This time Cloud made a delicious noise in his throat, too surprised to try and remain silent.

Behind them, Reno could hear Rude drop his jacket. Cloud seemed to be torn between fascination as he watched those strong muscles that Reno lusted after himself slowly be revealed and yearning as he exposed his neck for Reno’s mouth. Knowing where Cloud’s eyes were straying, Reno rolled off the blond. “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” The words were whispered in Cloud’s ear. Rude had unbuttoned his shirt and his dark skin seemed to glow in the dim light. “But maaaaaaaaaan, is he a tease.” Reno splayed his hand on the blonds’ stomach, sliding up underneath the hem of his shirt to caress silken skin. Cloud’s breathing hitched and his eyes fluttered.

God, it had been quite some time since Reno and Rude had someone this responsive in his bed. Cloud seemed to be starving for this. Hesitantly, the blond reached for Reno. The redhead pressed up into Cloud’s hand. “Mmmmm.”

Rude was shirtless now. Reno sat up in anticipation. Although it was nice to have a new lover, Rude deserved attention as well. He reverently ran his hands over carved muscles and met Rude’s lips in a powerful kiss. The dark-skinned man groaned into his partner’s mouth, hands gripping Reno’s ponytail. He slipped the elastic band off, letting the hair loose around Reno’s shoulders. Now Cloud was staring at them, eyes wide. Rude fumbled with Reno’s jacket, slipping it over his shoulders. Quickly, his shirt was stripped off. They both turned to look at Cloud. Reno rested his head on Rude’s shoulder, chuckling. “What do you think?”

Rude made a thoughtful noise that Reno could feel rumble up his spine. “I think he’s a little overdressed.”

Reno fell on the bed, crawling up to Cloud. He gripped the man’s shirt. Cloud looked like he was going to protest, but changed his mind. Reno made efficient work of the blonds’ clothes. Soon, Cloud was stripped down to his boxers. The redhead grinned reassuringly up into Cloud’s face. He gripped Cloud’s cock through his underwear, revelling in the hiss of pleasure. With a thoughtful look, he peeled off the cotton and flung it over his shoulder. He didn’t allow Cloud to be self-conscious, running his fingers over his hardening manhood. “Do you want me to suck you?” Cloud inhaled deeply, made nearly breathless by the suggestion, then nodded.

Reno leaned down, tongue already out and ready to tease ~~teasing~~ the leaking head. His hand gripped the shaft, steadying it then he engulfed the head. Cloud’s whole body jerked and a sound dangerously close to a whine pulsed in his throat. Reno used his wicked tongue to trace along the underside of his sensitive cock, eyes taking in Cloud’s reactions and noises. Little moans escaped the blonds’ mouth, seemingly without his consent. He had admired the swordsman from afar for such a long time and now fantasies were turning into reality; there was no way to completely contain his eagerness. It had started as a curious question, shared with Rude as lunch time gossip. Then it quickly became more than that. Cloud was beautiful and sad and Reno had the strangest urge; he wanted to comfort the warrior and make him cry out in unadulterated pleasure. He had been unhappily resigned to let that forever remain a fantasy. He had never imagined he would be seeing him like this. With a small smile, he took all of Cloud into his mouth.

Cloud just barely bit back a scream as he his cock was engulfed in wet heat. He covered his mouth with his hand, not wanting to make any more embarrassing sounds, only to have it pried off. He looked up into Rude’s face. The man had removed his sunglasses and his eyes were darkened with lust. “Don’t so that. He likes it noisy.” He raised Cloud’s hand to his mouth, kissing the upturned palm. “And so do I.” Rude slowly kissed along his knuckles.

Cloud’s face flushed, heat high on his cheeks. He gave little whimpers now as the dual sensations of having tingling kisses rained on his fingers and the wondrous heat on his manhood. It was still discomforting to make noises It was an instinct of his to remain quiet, then he would be left alone, unnoticed, safe, but the feelings rippled over his body, wringing helplessly aroused noises from his throat. The heat of his orgasm curled in his belly, coiled and waiting. He was close now. Rude had abandoned his hand and was trailing kisses up his bare arm. He paid particular attention to the scars on his bicep. Now Cloud was gasping, blood roaring in his ears.

Reno was running his hands over pale thighs, enjoying how smooth the skin felt under his palms. The blond even smelled delicious. He wanted more. He wanted Cloud so far gone in his pleasure that he only looked towards them for release. He could tell Cloud was nearly there because the blond was squirming, hips thrusting, lungs heaving, the flush on his face spreading to his chest and shoulders.

Rude looked up from Cloud’s neck, eyes meeting Reno’s. He leaned over and whispered in the swordsman’s ear. “Come for us, Cloud.” He punctured his words by nipping on the delicate shell.

Cloud obeyed, shaft thickening in Reno’s mouth. His orgasm was silent, which disappointed Reno, but the look on his face made up for it. His climax had relaxed him and released him and now Cloud looked young and vulnerable. Happily, Reno swallowed all Cloud had to give. He let the softening cock fall out of his mouth. His own arousal was flowing through his veins. Carefully, he sat up and surveyed the trembling body laid out before him. Rude had gathered Cloud’s face in his hands and was leaning down to kiss him. And gods, was that hot to see. Pale and dark skin mixed together as Cloud shakily raised a hand to cup the back of Rude’s head. He was anxious to get things moving so he quickly removed his pants and underwear. He dug into his pockets looking for something and, when he found it, he grinned triumphantly.

Cloud found that kissing Rude was different from Reno. While Reno had wanted to explore, Rude wanted to consume. He tasted of leather and something vaguely spicy. Hands were tangled in his hair, tugging his head back. His neck was attacked with hot, open-mouthed kisses. Cloud gripped Rude’s strong shoulders, nails digging in slightly. Rude groaned in approval.

Over their kissing, Cloud could hear aroused moans, rising and falling in a rhythm different from what he and Rude were doing. It dragged his attention away from the big Turk. He glanced to the side, toward Reno and then had to pull away from Rude’s hungry mouth. His eyes widened at the spectacle Reno was making.

The redhead was lying on his back, legs spread wide and lewdly displaying everything. He had three fingers inside himself, stretching his entrance. His lidded eyes met Cloud’s and he moaned loudly. “Can’t...wait to...feel you inside me.” The fingers pushed in deeper and Reno arched his back gracefully. “Gonna feel soooo good.”

Rude helped Cloud up to kneel in front of Reno. The blond turned to look at him. “I don’t...”

The dark-skinned Turk settled his hands on Cloud’s hips. “Don’t worry. You won’t hurt him.” A bottle of lube appeared in his hand. Cloud was hard again and Rude squirted some of the oil on his hand. He wrapped his arms around Cloud’s waist. He slid the lube along the blonds’ hot length. Cloud flung his head back with a moan, shuddering. Reno twisted his fingers, answering with his own obscene moan. Rude was enjoying the show, but he lightly smacked Reno’s leg. The redhead glared without heat, but removed his fingers one at a time. Cloud stared at the performance, fascinated.

Rude nudged him forward a little to sit between Reno’s splayed legs. Gripping slim hips, he guided the tip of Cloud’s penis to the redhead’s glistening entrance. “Just push forward. He’ll let you know if it’s too much.” After a moment of hesitation, Cloud sank inside.

The feeling was indescribable. It was like sinking into warm velvet. Reno jerked his hips, trying to force more of Cloud’s length inside him. The two moaned in unison, eyes clenched tightly. Rude kept a soft litany of instructions in Cloud’s ears, telling him to move with the redhead, how to understand what the slim Turk needed. He let Rude guide his movements—the words barely registered—but Cloud soon got the rhythm Reno wanted. He answered each roll of Reno’s hips with a roll of his own. Wanting to keep his hands busy, he scrabbled at the redhead’s chest, carefully rubbing his nipples. Appreciative whines answered him. Reno moved so fluently, sexy whines and whimpers echoing loudly in the room.

“He’s close, Cloud. So close.” Rude’s voice was strained in his instruction. “Touch him. Help finish him off.” Reno mewled at those words, wanting the added friction. Cloud obeyed, shaking hand wrapping around Reno’s dripping shaft. It was awkward at first, trying to slide his hand in time with his thrusts. But the redhead showed his appreciation by fisting the sheets and twisting his body.

A familiar heat starting to build in Reno’s stomach, pleasure racing up his spine. He kept making noises to praise and coax the blond. Cloud’s thrusts grew more and more erratic. Reno arched his back with a ragged cry, coating Cloud’s hand with his come. With one final hard thrust that caused both of them to shout in unison, Cloud came. He slumped over the redhead, resting their bodies together.

Reno sighed, content. He had the most delicious soreness inside him. Slowly, he raised his hand to Cloud’s face. He expected the blond to resist, but Cloud shyly nuzzled his palm. Reno nearly crowed in triumph. This is what he wanted: all the walls down, angst forgotten; if only for one night.

Rude stood. He removed his pants and underwear. His heavy cock smacked up to his stomach. Naked, he knelt back on the bed. Cloud blinked, visibly coming down from his high. Reno gently gripped the blonds’ hair and pulled him down for a kiss. He nibbled along coral-coloured lips. Once again, Cloud let him inside. Rude growled lowly with hunger, eyes intent on the writing bodies. Reno broke off the kiss, focused on Cloud. “Remember the second half of our deal?” Cloud turned his head to look over his shoulder at the dark-skinned man. He swallowed slowly, eyes nervous. Reno gripped his chin, turning his head back to him. “Hey, relax. Rude is good with his hands. Among other things.” Reno smirked in remembered pleasure.

Cloud shuddered, then relaxed, tension leaving his body. Reno wiggled out from underneath him. He carefully helped Cloud onto his hands and knees. The blond was trembling now, little tremors he tried to suppress. Reno settled himself in a chair across from the bed. He had a full view of the show that was about to happen. His hand slipped down between his legs. His erection started to return as he watched the two beautiful bodies move together.

Rude took control then. Despite arousal spiking through his veins, he kept his movements gentle. He didn’t want to startle this beautiful man laid out in front of him. Not when he was so close. He found the discarded bottle of lube and splashed some along Cloud’s lower back. The blond jerked and gasped at the shock of cold against his skin.

“Shh, it’s okay. I need to prepare you.” His voice was sent shivers over Cloud’s body. His cock hardened again despite his orgasm. Reno grinned. Rude not only had good hands, his voice worked wonders as well. Gaia, Cloud was beautiful like this. His face was free of his usual frown and pain, body practically shaking with desire. Rude gathered some lube on his fingers and lowered them down to the crease in the wonderful backside. After several moments of searching, his fingers found the small entrance. He circled it slowly, watching Cloud for his reaction. A full-body shudder racked the lithe body and Cloud flung his head back. Rude grinned, repeating the action. Then he sank the finger inside.

Cloud whined sharply, unsure of how he felt about this sensation. It wasn’t quite painful, but it was uncomfortable. The finger was pushed in and out a couple of times until the blond was relaxed. Another finger joined the first. The two patiently stretched and pushed inside him. Cloud bit his lip. Now there was pain, but it faded with each passing second.

Then Rude added a third finger and they patiently searched within him. Cloud was unable to contain the surprised cry. Sparks flashed across his eyes as waves of pleasure lapped at his body. His cock was at full attention now as Rude’s fingers curled on that wondrous spot deep inside. He was afraid he was going to come again when the fingers disappeared. He didn’t realize his arms and legs were shaking and his breath was coming in short pants.

Rude settled his hand on the small of Cloud’s back, considering his options. “I changed my mind. I want you on your back.” Cloud obeyed instantly, letting Rude arrange his body to his liking. Rude had to focus on breathing right. He had never had a lover this submissive before. Reno would only listen to him if he felt like it. Cloud seemed to want to please both of them anyway he could. Even now, he looked open and vulnerable lying on his back. Those wide blue eyes stared up at him. He slid his hand underneath Cloud’s thigh and bent it back to his chest. Rude moulded their bodies together, the tip of his manhood pressing to the slick entrance. With a noise of exertion, he pressed forward and into Cloud.

Cloud closed his eyes, body torn between pain and pleasure. Even if he didn’t remember doing this, his body did. It was so good to be taken like this. Rude was taking great pains to make sure he enjoyed this. It was so different from was he expected. The bald man was moving slowly, hands hitting all the sensitive spots on his body. Strong hips collided with his, creating starbursts behind his eyelids. The same beautiful feeling was rekindled, causing his mouth to drop open.

Above him, Rude chuckled. He gave Cloud a rhythm that started to carry both of them away. With one large hand, he gripped Cloud’s leaking cock. Repeating the same action Cloud had done for Reno, he started to slide his hand along the shaft. He stared down at the ex-SOLDIER, fascinated. Sex with Reno was a wild affair. The redheaded man would squirm and buck, calling out instructions and curses as loud as he could. Cloud moved with him, silently waiting to take whatever the bald Turk had to offer. He seemed to want to contain his noises, little whimpers caught in his throat. His eyes flickered between open and shut. Rude shifted their bodies a little bit, putting more pressure on Cloud’s prostate. His hand busied between them, flicking the head with his thumb. A quiet gasp was his response. He rubbed the head back and forth several times, getting a gasp each time.

“Are you close? You want to come?” The blond nodded jerkily, his eyes wide. Rude canted his hips back and forth harder than before. His hand tightened a little. Pressing their bodies together, he whispered in the blonds’ ear. “Come for us, Cloud,” then bit on the pale lobe.

That little spark of pain did it. Cloud couldn’t even gather the strength to scream as orgasm rushed through him. The feeling was so intense that his vision blacked out. When he came to, Reno was lying next to him. He had been cleaned, his skin still damp from a wet cloth that sat on the bedside table. Rude wasn’t there, but there were sounds of running water from the bathroom.

“Lost you there for a second.” A nimble hand slid through his matted spikes. Cloud waited for a flash of discomfort he was so used to feeling to douse a bucket of panic over him. He was not used to feeling satisfaction and contentment. His happiness had been ruined countless times before. Why would this time be any different? But it never came. Reno smiled knowingly. “See what an evening of letting go can do?” His other hand slid over Cloud’s bare stomach.

Cloud’s breath stuttered for a second and he caught his lip between his teeth. His body was boneless with exhaustion; the force of his orgasms left him almost sleepy. But the presence of other people prevented him from giving into sleep. He stared at Reno, unsure of what to say.

Reno was pretty sure of Cloud was getting uncomfortable. Apparently, sleeping in the same bed with someone just after you had sex with them was a little too much to ask for. “Do you want us to leave?” Inside his head, he was cursing. He pushed Cloud too far, too fast. The blond was just going to close himself off again.

Cloud flicked his eyes over to the window, thinking. He shifted slightly. It was dark outside now, moon shone through the slats of the blinds. He moved to the side. “It’s late. Why don’t you stay here? Both of you.”

Reno grinned, sliding next to Cloud. He curled up to the blonds’ body. He slowly nuzzled Cloud’s pale neck, expecting to be told to stop, but Cloud allowed it and his eyes closed. The warm breath of another living being across his neck was actually nice; he wasn’t alone. For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t alone.

Rude came in from the bathroom, his body still gloriously naked. He took in the two bodies tangled on the bed, corner of his mouth rising. Reno opened one eye, and grinned. He crooked his finger, beckoning his partner to the bed. Once Rude was close enough, he slanted his mouth over the bald man’s mouth. The kiss was slow, both of them too sated to incite arousal. Cloud shifted, but didn’t wake. They didn’t say anything, but settled down to sleep. Before Reno’s eyes closed, he had one final thought: I’ve done my good deed for the week.

When it rains, it fucking pours.

2009-12-17T09:09:22Z

I think my inspiration has left me. I have these good ideas for stories that I wish to write. But when I open up a new document of my computer...I get stuck. I have no idea where to begin.

This is very frusturating.

Speaking of frusturating, one of my professors said I commited plagirism in my research paper. And it wasn't just me she accused either. At least four other people in my class "commited plagirism." And she expects us to be all grateful because she didn't report us to the department head. Well, lady, you have showed time and time again you are completely useless at teaching a university course. I think because YOU did not make your expectations clear on what YOU wanted in a paper and everyone did bad, that would be the final nail in your coffin. I was your biggest defender, even though the odds were against you. Well, I don't need that class. I have no intention of going into a social-science-whateverthefuckyou'reteaching field.

Oh, by the way, I cited all my sources. And I am contacting the department head to challenge my mark. Here's hoping it all goes well.

RIP Cameo Cunningham

2009-12-11T06:32:30Z

So I found out today that my friend Cameo died in a car accident yesterday. To say that was unexpected would be an understatement. She was a fantastically funny and nice person who made me laugh everytime I saw her. And she will be missed so much.

It hurts that I'll never get to see her again. I actually ache inside.

Thoughts on the Runner-Up of American Idol

2009-12-10T08:56:20Z

Has anyone seen Adam Lambert's video for "For Your Entertainment?" If so, can I just say WHHHHY MUST HE BE GAY?! He's quite pretty. Oh well.

I found the video for his performance at the American Music Awards. I now get what people were saying about sexual overtones. But if there is simulated man-on-man sex...I am down.

And on another weird note, I keep calling him Chris Lambert. I have no idea why.

Last note. I feel this icon is weirdly appropriate.

Holiday Wishes List

2009-11-26T23:03:22Z

I am hopefully going to be able to participate in the Holiday Wishes community this year. This is my list.

Check it out http://community.livejournal.com/holiday_wishes/

Hello all. My name is Katy. I'm an eighteen-year-old university student living in Alberta, Canada. This is my first year participating in this community. A friend of mine let me know about Holiday Wishes and I thought the idea sounded quite awesome. If you need my address either message me on livejournal, or send me an e-mail at pipsqueekers2@hotmail.com

1. Mail - I'm quite serious. It's been ages since I got a letter in the mail. I would also be happy to hear about a story that made you smile or even a drawing.

2. Copic markers - I wish to improve on my drawing. I used a friend's markers, and I fell in love with them. They color so smoothly.

3. T-shirts - I love the feeling of wearing oversized t-shirts. When I mean oversized, I mean 4Xl or 5XL. And I am always on the lookout for cool designs.

4. A chess set - Whether it is new or old, bought or handmade, I would enjoy having my own chess set.

Anything Square Enix related. This includes fanfiction, fanart, icons, plushies, figurines...anything you can think of! I am particular to Final Fantasy VII and the Kingdom Hearts series.

6. A copy on Radiohead's In Rainbows - I'm a big fan of Radiohead, especially Thom Yorke.

7. Any tasty recipes you may have - I like to bake and cook when I am stressed or bored. Plus, it makes my family happy.

8. Noise cancelling earbuds - When I listen to music, I like to go into my own little world. And with five people living in my house, that can be a little difficult. :)

9. A donatiion to your local animal shelter or charity - I think organizations dedicated to helping others need a little more help around this time.

10. Livejournal friends - I would like to meet new friends from different places.

I hope everyone has a good holiday season. Spend it with the people you care about and be safe. I look forward to fulfilling some of your wishes.

RIP Alex Wedman

2009-11-21T00:27:37Z

I saw your picture in the paper today. There was a full page article on you and your death. It's now hanging in my room.

It's been more than a year since you took your own life. I know we weren\t close friends, but you still made me laugh whenever I talked to you. I'm so sorry I had no idea what was going o. I didn't know you were being bullied. I didn't know that you felt like you were being backed into a corner. I had no idea you felt like you needed to commit the most desperate act. I just didn't know, ok? I guess I am just like the school officials, turning a blind eye.

Why am I starting university this year while your parents mourn your death? Why are your bullies living happy lives after what they did? It's so unfair. You deserved to live, to go on to great things. We can only hope that people learn from this. That people need to speak out against bullies to prevent things like this happening.

I miss you. We all miss you. I hope you found peace.

The Mortal Instruments Series

2009-11-12T06:25:35Z

I just finished the series The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare. If you haven’t read them, I highly recommend it. It is an awesome fantasy series with a collection of characters that you can love and hate. Sometimes at the same time.

There was one interesting factor of the series. Alec and Magnus, both homosexual, start a relationship over the course of the three books. Clare seems to major in angst, so these two don’t have an easy ride. And when they do get together, it is under the shadow of war. But is still manages to be light-hearted and perfect in a weird way. But neither do any other characters in this book. It’s just so twisted and lovely and fucking beautiful.

And when Clare killed of Max Lightwood, a nine-year-old boy, I cried. I don’t know why it hit me so hard, but I did. I had to put down the book and cry because it hurt. And the way she portrayed the family member’s response was even more painful. I understand it was an important part of the story. But it was a hard part of the story to get over.

And the villain, Valentine...ugh. Sometimes, he performed these horrible experiments on any subject he could find. Including his own children. It took everything I had not to yell out “HOJO!!!!!!11!” And these experiments nearly destroy the two main characters and any chance they have to be together.

So please...please read this series. The first book is called City of Bones. Yes, it has vampires and werewolves in it. But they are not the main focus of the story. And they definitely don’t sparkle. It makes for a good read.

A message from a world-weary girl

2009-11-07T06:18:39Z

Please stop the world...I want to get off.

I am now 100% sure

2009-10-30T14:43:02Z

Today, I know for sure I picked the right school. I was sitting in the cafeteria when all of sudden someone runs into the room. A guy...dressed as Cloud. He looks around frantically, then ducks behind the coffee machine. Five seconds later, another guy runs in. This one dressed as Sephiroth. He starts calmly looking around, saying things like "where are you, my pretty?" He finds "Cloud" and they proceed to have a mock battle around the Caf. Afterwards, they both run out. I don't think I have laughed so hard in my entire life.

I love my school.

FIC: Break (Pairing: Angeal/Zack, Rated: R)

2009-10-15T04:26:15Z

Title: Break

Pairing: None yet...Angeal and Zack are featured though.

Warnings: Angst...lots of it. Mentions of rape.

Notes: So...I did a sequel. Yay! And I'm making this a three-shot. More yay! It should be done by the end of October. I have lots of school work right now.

Beta: As always, the fabulous etrix

It had been a few weeks since that fateful mission. They had been let go, once it became apparent that Zack was no longer a virgin. The priestess announced it to the townspeople, and the reaction was anger and disbelief. There was nothing they could do about it. The drug had had worn off and their abilities had returned. The SOLDIERs had strict orders not to engage anyone in combat. Besides, Angeal was more concerned about getting Zack out of there. Angry shouts and curses followed them but with Genesis and Sephiroth running interference, Angeal managed to usher his unresponsive student to safety.

The trip back to Shinra was silent. Zack, huddled in his seat in the helicopter, didn’t look at Angeal, Sephiroth, or Genesis the entire trip. He fiddled with his restraints, looking like a trapped animal that was restless to get out. Several times, Angeal opened his mouth to attempt an apology, but the words just wouldn’t come out. When they finally got back to the Shinra building, Sephiroth quietly ordered Zack to get medical attention. Angeal half-expected him to protest, but he just bowed his head with a quiet ‘yes sir’ and left. The sight was so disheartening for Angeal, watching a dejected Zack walking away without his usual bounce.

Sephiroth took control then, sending Genesis and Angeal to their rooms while he delivered the report to the president. He refused to let Angeal to come with him, refused to let him turn himself in.

The mission was ruled as a failure. President Shinra was not upset by this, almost expecting it. That particular village had clung to the old ways for an age, refusing to come into the future. He was confident they would come to Shinra Electric Company for help in the future. No further action was required. Things were to go back to normal.

Easier said than done. The innocent relationship Angeal had with Zack was gone. Anything he said could be misconstrued, making both of them wince. Training, an activity they usually did together, became a solitary exercise for Zack. The few times Angeal did observe him, the Third was so tense his usually flexible movements become mechanical and rigid. Like every time Zack was alone with his teacher. Like now.

“Zack, your stance isn’t wide enough.” Unconsciously, Angeal stepped forward. Zack stepped back, his dull eyes suddenly bright with fear. It hurt, seeing that fear. But, he deserved it. The teen adjusted his stance in according with Angeal’s advice. The rest of the session passed in silence, broken only by the noises of exertion from Zack. Before the mission, Zack would usually go to Angeal’s place for a movie and sleep in the spare bedroom after these sessions, proclaiming it comfier than sleeping in the barracks. Now, he took off without even saying goodbye.

Evenings were strangely quiet, something Angeal found unnerving. He was used to the television being on and his student giggling. He didn’t sleep; sleep only brought nightmares of Zack lying helpless beneath him, eyes shining with betrayal and hurt. Genesis visited him sometimes, mostly to tell him that he was being too passive. He should be seeking Zack out, to work this out with him. Angeal would never respond. Zack had been through enough. He didn’t need to be cornered by the one person he hated right now.

Remarkably, his student’s attendance in his classes didn’t falter, and his marks were still exemplary. A few of Zack’s teachers mentioned that his attitude had changed, becoming more subdued. Angeal would smile tightly, dismissing concerns with an unconvincing excuse that Zack was just maturing. Indeed, the few times he saw the teen, he was quiet and absent of his usually bouncy movements. Each time was like a knife to his heart.

He wanted it back. Zack’s trust, his smile, the easy-going friendship they had. Admittedly, his reasons were selfish. But knowing that he was the cause of Zack’s pain was ripping him apart. As fruitless as it was, he spent every waking moment wishing he could take back what had happened.

Another evening alone. Angeal took in the paperwork sitting on his table, dismissing it with a sigh. The lights were off. The pictures of important people in his life were darkened shadows. He didn’t have to be reminded of how he had failed them. Honour and pride indeed.

Earlier that day, Sephiroth had summoned him to his office. They didn’t talk for the longest time, Sephiroth subtly watching Angeal.

“Lazard has asked me to find out what is going on with you.” The words were careful, which almost made Angeal laugh. Sephiroth was never careful around anyone. “I said I would look into it. But Angeal...if the higher ups are picking up on your change in attitude...” He didn’t have to finish the statement. SOLDIERs who couldn’t handle stress were usually let go. With no one to turn to, most volunteered for unsanctioned experiments that cause negative, and permanent, effects.

“What do you want me to do, Seph? Act like everything is okay? It’s not, and it’s never going to be okay again. Zack deserves someone who can protect him better, not allow him to be raped.”

The silver-haired general regarded him with cool eyes. “You saved his life. We were in a dangerous situation, without weapons or our abilities. They were going to kill him, Angeal.”

The commander shrugged. “I realize that, Sephiroth. But that doesn’t make what I did right.”

“Fair will realize, with time, that you are still a good man.”

Angeal didn’t respond to that. How could Zack see him as anything but a monster?

Out of the silence, his phone rang. He considered letting it ring, but he remembered what Sephiroth had said about his behaviour. He glanced at the caller ID.

It was Zack.

Quickly, he flipped open the cell phone. “Hello?”

“C-commander Hewley?” The voice wasn’t Zack’s, but it sounded frightened.

Angeal frowned, “yes, who is this?”

“This is Kunsel, sir. I’m a friend of Zack’s.” There was a pause. “You better come to his room. Zack’s really sick and I can’t get him up.”

Angeal stood up, and strode out his door. “I’m on my way.”

A teen he had never seen before was waiting at the door to the barracks, eyes nervous. He led Angeal to Zack’s room. The teen was lying on his bed, skin clammy and covered in sweat. Even though Zack did receive mako injections, he was still vulnerable to illness. His bruised eyelids flickered in his sleep, his face uneasy. He was shivering. Angeal pushed back his matted spikes, cursing at how cold his skin was. Behind him, Kunsel blabbered.

“He’s been pushing himself harder and harder lately. He only eats when he’s forced to and pretends to sleep at night. A couple of times, I’ve woken up to hear him crying. But you know Zack, he’s good at fooling people into thinking he’s fine. All that charisma, you know?”

Angeal barely registered the words, nodding in the right places. He knew he had some potions and other items of healing in his apartment. But that would involve bringing Zack to his place. Angeal agonized over the decision for seconds. Zack’s safety was first and he needed care badly. Grasping Zack, he stood. Inside his arms, the boy whined and weakly struggled with a pained murmur. Angeal ignored this and the pain it caused. Zack’s friend walked them back to the door, fretting the entire time. “You’ll take care of him?”

Angeal nodded, making sure the blanket was wrapped around his student’s body. It was cold out and he didn’t need any more chills. “I have some things back at my place that will help.”

The boy nodded, looking relieved. “Then he is in capable hands, sir.”

He really wished he could believe those words.

Angeal was finally able to get Zack to stop shivering back at his place, wrapping him in several blankets. He moaned weakly at the feeling of hands on him, trying to bat them away. Angeal again forced back the feelings of hurt this apparent rejection caused. Carefully, he set the boy on his bed. He slept, only waking from the daze he was in briefly. Tired eyes focusing on Angeal.

“A-Angeal?”

“Do you think you can drink a potion?”

Zack blinked, seeming confused. Angeal held out a bottle. The teen took it and drank it without questioning. He lay back down on the bed, eyes fluttering closed.

“Please don’t hate me.” The words were so quiet; Angeal thought it was his own desperate imagination. Before he could ask what Zack meant, he was out, his breathing uneven with sickness. He made sure his student was adequately covered and had some water on the bedside table. Deep in thought, he wandered to the couch in his living room and sat down. As the night progressed, he mulled over some paperwork he had let pile up in the past few weeks. He kept one ear trained to the bedroom. Soon, it was morning. Not wanting to wake Zack, Angeal made a phone call to Sephiroth. If the general was confused as to why his friend was excusing his student for the next couple of days, it didn’t show in his voice.

The sickness raged on for two days. Soon, Zack had a fever, his skin becoming hot to the touch. Angeal made sure he slept peacefully by leaving continuous cups of an herbal tea that had a naturally occurring sleep aid in it. He was surprised that the cup was empty each time. Zack probably had no idea where he was.

Usually, Angeal kept out of the room, getting what little sleep he could in the guest room. He didn’t want to cause any undue panic for Zack by hanging around. The few times the boy was restless and whimpering, Angeal permitted himself to touch Zack, brushing back sweat-soaked hair from his forehead. His hands shook each time, afraid that his student would wake up and shrink away in fear. That would be too much to take.

On the morning of the third day, Zack’s fever broke. Angeal found him sitting up, blanket wrapped around him. He shook slightly when Angeal came into the room, forcing the SOLDIER to hang back. There was a long silence. Then, the boy cleared his throat.

“Can...can I use your shower?” His hoarse voice wavered slightly. He focused on the blanket, black spikes hanging over his eyes.

“Of course. You don’t have to ask.” Angeal bit back the urge to slip in his favoured nickname for Zack.

Zack nodded, but didn’t move. Angeal realized he was waiting for him to leave, so they didn’t have to touch. As he turned to leave, an uncertain question followed him. “After, can we talk?”

Angeal waited in the living room, listening to the water running in the bathroom. He was undeniably nervous but determined not to show it. He was prepared for the words of hate that he deserved.

Finally, Zack’s footsteps could be heard. His hair was still damp from the shower, but he twisted a towel with his hands. He sat down on the chair directly across from Angeal, not looking up.

“I g-guess I should thank you for taking care of me. It’s good to know...” Zack paused, taking a breath. “It’s good to know that I can trust you.” His blue eyes widened in panic; he looked like he was going to burst into tears. “I do trust you, Angeal, more than anyone.” He took more deep breaths. “I have to say something. So don’t interrupt me.” He settled down in the chair. “I know you did what you did to save my life. And that you would never hurt me on purpose. But every time I see you, my heart just contracts with fear. And I hate it! I hate being afraid. I want things to go back to normal, the way they were before. But it just won’t. I keep trying, but it won’t! I can’t even sleep at night. Every time I do, I’m back in that place.” Zack was trembling now, hands clamped down on the armrests.

Angeal leaned forward, alarmed. “Zack...”

“People keep asking me if I’m alright. I hate that too. I just smile and convince them everything is fine. Because if I tell what happened, you could get in trouble. And...I really don’t want that.” Unnoticed, a tear slipped down Zack’s pale cheek. “I’m just really sorry, Angeal. That I’m not brave enough to deal with this.” More tears followed the first; Zack starting to sob. His weeping was quiet and he covered his eyes with his hand.

Angeal stood. Ignoring the one rule he set for himself, he grasped Zack’s wrists. Miserable eyes met his as he knelt in front of his student. Surprisingly, he didn’t flinch or try to shrink away. ”Zack, what you are feeling is normal. Your trust was betrayed by the one person who was supposed to look out for you. I...did this to you. The last thing you should be worrying about is me.” Angeal bowed his head, releasing his hold on Zack’s wrists.

“I can’t do this without you.” The words were barely above a whisper. Zack was terrified now. Would Angeal send him away? He leaned forward; the cotton of his t-shirt stretching over the angle of his body. Angeal realized with a dull sense of delight that the boy is wearing his shirt. It was too big, making him look even more younger and vulnerable. “I-I need you.”

He was stunned. Zack...needed him? His mind came up with a thousand different things Zack needed. Number one on that list was to stay far away from him. His thoughts were interrupted by Zack gripping his arm. His eyes were beseeching, and he worried his lip. “Please, Angeal.” Tears continued to fall unchecked.

Taking a chance, Angeal gathered his student in his arms. Zack pressed his face to his chest, body shaking with the force of his crying. Angeal petted the black spikes with his hands, murmuring soothing words. Zack curled up in his arms. Suddenly, it was so easy to forgot that he was the cause of all this.

After Zack had cried himself out, his lolled back with exhaustion. Angeal frowned. “You should get some more sleep. I’m guessing you haven’t been sleeping in a while.” There was a hint of guilt in his voice.

Zack tried to resist. Sleep only brought feelings of horror that threatened to consume his very being. But he was blinking back exhaustion. “Will you stay with me?” He hated to sound weak in front of Angeal. But his mentor just gave him a sad smile.

“Of course.”

Later, Zack was tucked into bed. Angeal settled into an armchair. The teen watched Angeal quietly. There was no accusation in the gaze, no hate or anger. Angeal watched Zack as well; his gaze was neutral. Soon, the teen was asleep. Angeal still didn’t move. He was fascinated by the rising and falling of Zack’s chest and the youthful features peaceful with sleep. How Zack had still managed to hold onto the air of innocence after what happened, he didn’t know. But he would do everything in his power to make sure Zack was never hurt again.

During his sleep, Zack woke briefly twice. The first time, Angeal was simply reading a book. The second time, it was dark. Angeal was still in the chair; his strong figure outlined in the dimness. The sight reassured him each time. No nightmares disturbed his sleep this time.

Fill the Questions out, please?

2009-10-12T07:57:21Z

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) Have you ever been in love?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) Is there a moment in any tv show/film that touches you and makes you cry, no matter how many times you watch it?
05) Favorite bands/artists?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) When is your birthday?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you could only watch one tv channel for the rest of your life, what would it be?
11) Explain your typical weekend:
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) Would you rather take a plane or go on a road trip?
14) Have you ever been to a wedding or a funeral?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you:
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) How important is your family to you?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Is there anyone you'd go gay for?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Have you ever done something you had previously sworn to yourself you'd never do?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) You can only go to one fast food establishment for the next year, which one is it?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

FIC: Save Me (Rated: R, Sephiroth/Cloud)

2009-09-26T00:06:24Z

Title: Save Me

Pairing: Sephiroth/Cloud

Warnings: Angst, religious implcations, sex, AU. Descriptions of two people of the same sex engaging in sex.

Notes: Hello again! I would like to say this took me forever! I started this back in the second week of August. Wow! But, I finished it. That's what important.

Beta: As usual, the fabulous Etrix/Etrixan

It was considered a barbaric ritual. Abandoned by most, it was only practiced by a handful of villages. The elders had a protector of sorts watching over their land and people, allowing them all to live happy lives. An immortal being whose magic was deeply in tuned with the earth.

But that being needed energy to fuel this magic. So, every leap year, a virgin was chosen to be given as a gift to the protector. It was taboo to speak about what went on in the castle where the protector lived, but rumours did spread. Whispers arose about blood being consumed, of painful screams echoing out into the night. The souls who were to be delivered were never seen again.

And so it had come to pass that Cloud was chosen. The mayor’s wife had given birth to a young girl, and they needed a replacement if she ever was chosen. He sought out the Strifes, a childless couple. A price was set and Cloud was born. He had no friends, the whole town knowing he was conceived simply as a replacement for the mayor’s child. His parents stood by, not even looking at him as he was taken away. His wrists were bound with rope and he was roughly led to a waiting carriage. No words were exchanged as the long journey began to the home of the protector. Cloud didn’t look up, didn’t register the blurring countryside outside the window. All he could think about was that he didn’t want to die. But that’s what awaited him, a painful death.

Finally, the carriage stopped. The door was opened and he was dragged out. He was not quite able to suppress a whimper of pain when the rope cut deeper into his wrists, drawing blood.

One of his captors smiled grimly. “Get used to pain, little one. You’ll be feeling a lot of it.”

Cloud shuddered, eyes taking in the surroundings. The castle was enormous, towers reaching up to a darkened sky. Quickly, he was led to the entrance. The men cast nervous glances to each other, and hurriedly opened the door. The walls of the castle were adorned with large paintings of winged creatures and strange animals. But the magnificence of it all was lost on Cloud. The creatures seemed to be reaching out for him, mouths opening in snarls. The long rope binding his wrists together was tied to a statue of a crumbling angel in the entrance hall. The men exchanged one final look, terror plainly written in their eyes. With that, they all but ran to the exit. As soon as the door closed behind them, Cloud tried to yank himself free. Tradition be damned, he did not want to die. Not like this.

But he underestimated how strong his bindings were. He only managed to cut his wrists further, blood dripping onto his bare feet and the cold floor. He had to get away, he had to get away. Terror made his movements spastic. Then, like something out a nightmare, heavy footsteps echoed throughout the open space. A voice, quiet and amused, floated down to him.

“Why do you struggle so? It is obvious you are not going anywhere.”

With a screech, Cloud pulled even more frantically at the rope. Oh god, oh god. He can almost see it, bruises imprinted upon pale skin. His blood sprayed on the floor like little crimson pellets. Skin peeled back to expose the whiteness that lay beneath the surface. Each image heightening his panic until he couldn’t even breathe.

This made that fact that, suddenly, he was no longer bound to the stone angel anymore all the more startling. He fell to the floor, a pained noise emitting from his throat. With a struggle, he righted himself, bound wrists held in front of himself for defence. If he was going to be attacked, he wanted to at least have a fighting chance to escape. His eyes frantically scanned the hall, searching for the source of the voice.

Out of the shadows, stepped a figure. Cloud blinked, focusing his gaze on the person. A tall man, with long silver hair studied him with amused green eyes. He wore a black robe, cut to reveal pale skin over muscles. He smiled faintly. “I see they’ve brought me another gift.”

Cloud glared, trying to make himself look tougher then he was. But he knew, with his wrists tied and no way to get up fast, he was failing miserably. “I’m no gift.”

Another small smile. “Of course you aren’t.” With deliberate strides, the stranger walked forward. Cloud backed up, body hitting the wall. With awkward movements, he tried to stand. But his foot slipped and he fell to the ground. His naked legs got tangled in the white robe he was forced to wear, making him feel even more vulnerable. He closed his eyes, breath stuttering as he waited for the first flash of pain.

He thrashed and bellowed when his hands were gripped. He almost didn’t notice that the rope was undone from his wrists. Confused by this new found freedom, but unwilling to waste this opportunity, he scrambled to his feet and ran for the door. He glanced behind him, to see if the man was pursing him, only to run right into him. Questions of what and how flittered through his mind as he was caught. He was pressed against the wall, the man using his weight to hold him down. Dimly, Cloud registered that he wasn’t being painfully restrained, that this stranger was simply holding him still. But he struggled still. “Let me go!”

“Hush. I am not going to hurt you.” The words were soothing, believable, and a part of Cloud wanted to just give into them. But the stories he heard of what happened to people in this place...he couldn’t let that happen. So he continued to fight, trying to throw the stronger body off of him. The same soothing words were repeated again and again. Finally, his body sagged, the fight leaving him.

“J-just do it. Make it quick.” He closed his eyes, not wanting to see what happened next. To his surprise, his arms were encircled right above his wrists. He opened one eye to discover the green eyes studying his injured wrists.

“You’re hurt.” With that, he lifted himself off of the smaller body beneath him. “I have a few things upstairs that will stop the bleeding and the pain.” He still had Cloud caged between his forearms.

“Upstairs?” Cloud was unable to hide his confusion. He thought dungeons were supposed to be in the lower parts of the building. After all, that is where he expected to be taken. And the offer for his wounds to be taken care of was out there as well. This was nothing like the picture he had in his mind.

The man smiled, once again looking faintly amused. “I know you are expecting whips and chains, little one. But I assure, whatever stories you have heard have been lies.” As he ushered Cloud up the stairs, he added quietly, “Besides, the ritual is more powerful if you have willing participant.”

The room he was led to was quite spacious. A large canopy bed was in the center of the room, covered in a thick looking blanket and several pillows. Cloud paused, taking it in with confusion. The man gestured for him to sit on the bed, but Cloud didn’t move. The silver haired stranger retrieved a small, velvet bag. He turned around, another faint smile on his face. “Please sit. It will be more comfortable...for both of us.”

Cloud didn’t respond right away, still wary of what could happen. Then, painfully slow, he sat on the far side of the bed. The man chuckled, seemingly amused by this as he emptied out the bag. Cloud frowned in annoyance. “W-what do you want to do?”

The man held up his hand. “First, I think we need to know who the other is.” He paused, arranging the contents of the bag in a line. “They call me Sephiroth.” His tone seemed to suggest there was more, but he stopped there.

“I’m Cloud.” The blond kept his tone clipped, still anxious.

Sephiroth nodded. “Will you allow me to care for your wounds, Cloud?” The question was calm and careful suggestion that Sephiroth had no ulterior motives. The younger of the two carefully scooted closer, prepared to bolt if he needed to. Once he was close enough, he held out his bloody wrists, waiting. Sephiroth seemed to understand the implicit trust being shown, and poured green liquid from a bottle onto a cloth. “It’s a potion that will clean the scratches.”

Cloud nodded, his eyes focusing on the walls as the cloth was gently dabbed over his cuts. Silence stretched out to a point where it became unbearable. “You said they called you Sephiroth. Who are they?”

Sephiroth paused in his ministrations, head cocked to the side. “Your priests. My real name hasn’t been used for so long,..I have forgotten it.” The silver haired man dabbed at the last cut. “There.”

Cloud watched as his wounds healed, leaving pink and healthy skin behind. His mouth dropped open, unable to believe what he saw. “H-how...” He couldn’t seem to form the words. Carefully, he ran his finger over his left wrist. Despite the fact that there was no pain, he jerked. Cloud looked back up in Sephiroth’s eyes. “What are you?” He nearly cringed at how rude that sounded. He had been brought up to be quiet and not to ask any questions. But he had never seen something like that performed. His past fear was nearly forgotten, settling in the back of his mind. He realized he was safe. In fact, he felt safer here than he had ever felt with his family.

Sephiroth considered the question, head cocked to the side. “I am a Seraph, an angel of sorts. I was sent here as a punishment.”

Cloud frowned. “An angel? But I-I thought angels had wings and light around them.” Then the other words sunk in. “What did you do?” At the look that was shot his way, he stammered, “I-I’m sorry, I...”

Sephiroth held up his hand, faintly amused. “It’s alright. I can never get over how curious humans are.” He looked back at Cloud. “Or apologetic they can be.”

The blonds’ face heated. “I’m...”

Sephiroth quietly interrupted, sparing Cloud further embarrassment.“Around 1000 years ago, my mother, goddess of the underworld, tried to lead a rebellion against the other gods. She was defeated and sentenced to remain in her realm for all eternity. Fearing retribution from me, they sent here to live among you mortals.”

Cloud frowned, unexpected anger making him clench his fists. “That is...unfair! I mean, you didn’t do anything and yet you were punished. You were innocent and they...” He twisted the blanket between his clenched fists. This stranger had shown him more kindness than his family ever had. Why was this happening to him?

The angel frowned, leaning forward to gently catch Cloud’s thin wrists. Sephiroth coaxed Cloud to relax his fists, splaying his hands on the soft blanket. “I’m not going to be here forever. Before, I was reckless and wild. I did want vengeance on my mother’s captors. As part of my punishment, I am to send as many souls as I can to the kingdom of the gods. In order to do that, I take their pain, their sadness, and make it my own. With nothing burdening them, they are free to leave this world. You see, Cloud, you weren’t just chosen for your youth, or your obvious beauty.” At this, Sephiroth gently ran his thumb over Cloud’s pulse point on his wrist. “You are a good person who has been unhappy for quite awhile.” Two fingers slid under Cloud’s chin, tilting his face up to meet Sephiroth’s gaze. Knowing green eyes swept over him. “Am I right?”

They both knew what the answer was. But as much as Cloud wanted to give in...”That would mean I’d have to die.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he studied the twirling pattern of the cover he sat on.

Sephiroth frowned, “It would be painless, like floating away. You’re soul would be instantly transported to...”

“But there is so much I want to do!” Cloud was now no longer afraid to interrupt. Sephiroth seemed to not be annoyed by it. “I’ve never been outside my village, never let out of my parent’s sight. I want to see the ocean. I’ve never been there. I’ve never fallen in...” He broke off the sentence, face heated with embarrassment.

Again, pale fingers slid under his chin. “You’ve never fallen in what?”

Cloud chewed on his bottom lip. “Love. I’ve never fallen in love.”

Sephiroth focused his gaze on the window, confused. Most of the children sent his way were quite happy to go. They were like old men and women in child bodies, too jaded about life to see the good in it. But Cloud was different. He still had faith that the world was a wondrous place. He had no idea where this new found connection had come from. “Cloud, are your parents from Nibelheim?”

To his surprise, Cloud blushed, looking away. “My mother is. My father...was a nomad, a traveller of the mountain. My father didn’t want any connections...” He didn’t finish the statement. That made sense, Cloud had a connection with the earth. It explained why Sephiroth felt so strongly about him. He had never suggested this, in the eternity he had been here. But Cloud was special. He deserved the decision.

“There is another way.” Relieved sapphire-coloured eyes looked up at him. “But it involves a more...physical act of exchanging your sadness.” He waited for realization to sink in. But the only answer he received was the slow blinking of Cloud’s eyes. He barely repressed a smile. So innocent...”We would have to engage in intercourse.”

Cloud’s face heated immediately, his eyes once again focusing on the blanket, unable to look the angel in the face. He knew what Sephiroth was talking about, having overheard rumours from friend’s of his parents of servants meeting in secret to perform ‘filthy acts’ with one another. “Isn’t that...immoral? The priests always said that sex was a sin and that...”

Now it was Sephiroth’s turn to interrupt. “Your priests are wrong. Mortal bodies were made for several purposes.” He trailed his fingernails along Cloud’s arm, inciting a shiver. “To give you pleasure is one of those purposes. Sex is a way of letting go, of expressing emotions that may be locked away from day to day. There is nothing wrong with it, nothing dirty or impure.” Sephiroth now used both his hands to gently press on the pressure points of Cloud’s lithe body, lessening the tension in his shoulders, his neck, his arms. “You have nothing to fear from this. Or from me.” With this last sentence, Sephiroth lowered his mouth to Cloud’s neck, pressing a barely-there kiss to the pale skin. “Let me take care of you.”

Cloud was torn, unsure what to do. The values he had been brought up in were echoing through his head. But the sensations Sephiroth were invoking in him were so good, he didn’t want this to stop. Whatever this would lead to. But if it meant saving his life...He nodded once, an action so small, Sephiroth thought he missed it. “I trust you.” The words come out a lot steadier than Cloud thought they would.

Hands travelled up his arms to his shoulders, unhooking the straps of the robe he had been forced to wear. His upper torso was exposed. Sephiroth gently pushed him back onto the bed, sprawling his body along the soft cover. The angel hovered over him, his long hair ghosting over Cloud’s body. He nearly giggled at the tickling sensation, but the look Sephiroth gave him sent all thoughts of laughter scattering away. Those green eyes were alight with such hunger and desire that Cloud was left speechless. He never thought he would be making such a powerful being look at him like that. He had never received any attention apart from chastisement.

Cloud waited for Sephiroth to do something. But the silver haired seraph was remaining still. The blond licked his suddenly dry lips. “W-why aren’t you...” His nerves stole his breath away.

“You need to breathe.” Sephiroth nuzzled into his neck gently, urging Cloud to breathe evenly. He moved his mouth down, kissing at the junction of Cloud’s neck and shoulder. Unconsciously, the blond tilted his head, allowing Sephiroth to caress more skin with his lips. Taking great care not to bruise Cloud’s skin, he moved further down. Sephiroth paused for a moment to lick at the dips in the clavicles. The boy gasped, fire unfurling in his stomach to race along his veins. Hands soon followed the lips, trailing up Cloud’s sensitive sides. Little whimpers and moans slipped out of his mouth. He tried to suppress them, embarrassed to be making noises. Sephiroth stopped, looking up at him. “You don’t have to keep quiet. Let me hear you.” He dipped down his head to take a small nipple into his mouth. This time, Cloud let out a loud whimper, little thrills racing up and down his spine. He squirmed slightly, only stilling when strong hands landed on his hips. His face flushed, vivid against his pale skin.

“S-sorry.”

Sephiroth shook his head. “Don’t apologize. Gives me an excuse to touch you.” He was sure Cloud had no idea just how tempting he was. His blush had spread, colouring his shoulders and chest pink. Large blue eyes stared up at him, nervous but open to whatever may come. His thin body was unmarked and pure, just begging to be touched with Sephiroth’s hands and mouth. His chest heaved slightly, a testament to his inexperience. He had never viewed humans as overtly beautiful. They were like stars, sparkling and distance. But Cloud was something special, something he wanted to cherish and never let go. His mouth went dry when he saw Cloud lying pale on the bed, waiting, trusting. With his touches and kisses, he pulled more delicious noises from the blond.

Cloud’s world dissolved to nothing more than cool, gentle hands and a soft mouth on his rapidly heated skin. All the feelings over nervousness or fear from being like this were being consumed by his desire. He had never felt like this before. Soon, Sephiroth’s hands trailed down lower and with a couple of tugs, Cloud was bared. His nervousness spiked again. Was he good enough for Sephiroth? Good-looking enough? Would he find some fault and just stop? That thought stopped him. Suddenly, he found himself actually wanting this, not just in an effort to save his life.

All of his anxious thinking was dispersed by Sephiroth’s exhale of wonder. “I have never seen such beauty.” At first, Cloud thought he was humouring him. But the look of lust and awe told him Sephiroth was serious.

The kisses that followed were more passionate than before, leaving searing paths in their wake. Cloud was left trembling with want, whimpers transforming to cries. He jerked when Sephiroth pressed a heated, open-mouthed kiss to his hip, hands trailing gently along the delicate skin of his quivering thighs. “Relax,” Sephiroth instructed him again. Before Cloud could register what was happening, his half-hard erection was engulfed in wet heat. His world narrowed and froze, and he was unable to do anything but feel and focus on breathing right. Face heated, he stared at Sephiroth, silently begging him to move. A small chuckle sent vibrations along his cock, and Cloud flung his head back into the pillow with a choked noise.

And then, oh yes, yes finally, Sephiroth moved. Cloud nearly sobbed with relief, his need swiftly becoming almost painful. The angel used his wonderful tongue to tease the leaking head, catching the drops of fluid. Sephiroth, not wanting this to end but mindful of Cloud’s movements, sped up his pace. Soon, Cloud was thrashing around, eyes screwed tight with pleasure. The only hint Sephiroth had that the end was near was the thickening of the shaft in his mouth. Surprisingly, Cloud didn’t cry out this time. His mouth fell open in a silent scream, face flush with desire. His body trembled with the force of his orgasm. Sephiroth caught all of the sweet liquid, swallowing it.

Cloud felt shattered. Never had he experienced anything like that. His eyes fluttered, unsure whether to stay open or closed. With each breath, he felt his body piece itself back together as he floated down from his high. He was aware of Sephiroth’s hand in his hair, stroking the strands with overt tenderness.

Finally, Cloud was able to open his eyes. He focused on a strong arm, muscles ripping slightly with movement. Then, his eyes traveled up to amused green eyes. “Are you alright?”

Cloud took stock of his body. No pain, no fear. “I-I am.”

Sephiroth gripped his chin, tilting his head to look out the window. It was dark now, the night sky glittering. “The world isn’t ending. Nothing is falling from the sky.” The words had an amused tone to them, accompanied by the little half smirk that Cloud was quickly growing to like. “So, will you let me continue?”

There was more? Cloud nodded shyly, At this point, he trusted Sephiroth, believed that he would not be hurt. His lips were caught in a soft kiss, hands massaging along the sensitive skin of Cloud’s shoulders. Pleasure fizzled down the boy’s spine, settling in the small of his back. His manhood started to swell again. Feeling bold, he wrapped his arms around Sephiroth’s neck and bucked his hips. He was awarded with a low gasp, and the darkening of the angel’s eyes.

Once again, Cloud found himself on his back, looking up into emerald eyes. Without taking his eyes away, Sephiroth reached for another bottle, this one full of purple liquid. Carefully, he arranged Cloud’s body to his liking, left knee bent at angle that put the blonds’ body on display. Drizzling the lavender-smelling oil on his fingers, he traced along Cloud’s pink entrance. When the response was the tensing of the pliant body, Sephiroth rested the fingers of his clean hand on Cloud’s slender hip. With a soft squeeze, he urged the blond to relax again. “You need to keep calm,” he murmured, accompanying the words with another slow circling action.

Cloud managed not to tense this time. With a steadying breath, he allowed Sephiroth to explore. The fingers were caressing and tapping slightly, never adding any pressure. It was clear that he would go through with this only when Cloud gave him express permission. With a couple of deep breaths, he was ready.

His body easily accepted the first finger. The sting was a faint twinge. Mostly it felt incredibly strange. Cloud stared up into Sephiroth’s handsome face, following the fine lines that came from the look of concentration with his eyes. A second finger joined the first and the two begin to stretch the muscles of Cloud’s entrance.

Now there was some pain. Cloud closed his eyes with a moan. His hip was squeezed reassuringly again, along with a murmured praise. The fingers gently explored, until the hit something inside him that made waves of pleasure surge up his over his body. He gasped, eyes widening once again. Sephiroth smiled, fingers pressing on that wonderful spot again. “You like that?”

Cloud nodded, unable to draw a breath to speak. Everything seemed brighter, sharper. The pain was still there, but the pleasure almost overwhelmed it. He moaned with disappointment when the fingers were removed, feeling almost a sense of loss. There was some rustling above him as Sephiroth kneeled and arranged both their bodies, with Cloud’s arms around his neck and thin, colt-like legs dangling on either side of his waist. “Are you still sure you want to go through with this?”

Cloud nodded without hesitation. He was ready.

With a slight push of his hips, Sephiroth entered the blond. He stopped when nails pressed into his shoulders hard enough to bruise. Likely, with his otherworldly lineage, his injuries were instantly healed. He smoothed his hands over Cloud, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. The tone of his voice reached Cloud’s mind even if the words didn’t. He added another inch of hard flesh. Soon, he was fully sheathed inside. The boy’s were screwed shut in concentration, his brow furrowed with pain. Sephiroth cradled his face in his hands, kissing him with as much passion as he could manage.

Finally, Cloud started to relax. Through the pain, the feeling was exquisite. He was full in such a way that all of the empty places inside him disappeared. Sephiroth was taking such care to see he enjoyed every minute of this. He shifted a little, finding the sting had lessened a bit. The angel seemed to get the message and pushed back inside with a roll of his hips. The pattern repeated itself, with the tension in Cloud’s body lessening with each thrust. His cock rubbed between their bodies with maddening friction. Then, Sephiroth adjusted his angle. That same wonderful spot inside was struck. Heat coiled in his belly.

“Ohhhhh.” He wrapped his legs around Sephiroth’s trim waist. “Please,” his voice breathless with desire. That wonderful blush spread over his fair shoulders. Sephiroth acquiesced to his pleas, his thrust quickening. The boy started to squirm and whine, the heat overwhelming now. Pleasure was threatening to consume them both.

And with one thrust, Cloud was lost. Swept away, his energy spent, he just managed to hold his head above the torrent. Intense heat spread inside him, but he was too gone to register it fully.

And just as suddenly, he was found. Hands were stroking his hair. A cloth was rubbed over his stomach, cleaning the sticky wetness there. Carefully, Cloud opened his eyes to an amused smile. For a while, they didn’t speak, just basking in the comfortable silence.

Then Cloud blurted, “I don’t want to leave you.” His face heated with his admission, but he didn’t take it back. He meant it.

Sephiroth didn’t immediately answer, instead smoothing the sheets with his palms. Cloud was shocked to recognize that Sephiroth was nervous. “I admit that I don’t want you to leave either.” He paused, then shook his head. “But you must.”

Cloud froze, unable to look at Sephiroth. “Why? Is it something I did?”

The angel looked vaguely panicked. “No. Cloud, I will live forever. I’ve had a lifetime to accept that. You are human, your life is merely a blink to most of the beings in my home. If you were to stay with me, you would live forever as well. Immortality is not taken well with mortals. I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

Cloud sat up, eyes serious. “Sephiroth, I can take it. That just means I get to spend eternity with you. That is just fine with me.” The humour of the situation was not lost on Cloud. Suddenly, he was the one being reassuring and Sephiroth was the nervous one.

The silver haired angel looked obviously relieved. He caught Cloud’s petal-coloured lips in a desperate kiss. Tomorrow, they would leave the castle for parts unknown, wishing to explore the world. But for now, Sephiroth slept, watched over by his angel.

Sing Me Something Sad, Soft and Delicate or Something Loud and Out of Key. Sing Me Anything.

2009-09-02T02:52:05Z

So, it's no secret. I love music. I love having that sound in my life. A raucous noise, a melodic harmony. Whatever.

This is list of songs I listen to when I'm writing. Maybe you'll find them interesting...

London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines by Panic! At the Disco

Best line(s): Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say

Can you say Genesis? This line suits him perfectly. Also, because of the more upbeat rhythm

With You by Linkin Park (Reanimation version)

Best Line(s): The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you

Could suit anyone, but I'm leaning more towards Cloud and Zack. Cloud can't remember who Zack is, but Zack is watching him all the while.

As I Watch The Sun Fuck The Ocean by Boy Hits Car

Best Lines(s): Can we ever forgive love for its pain?
A tragic poem that forever burns on my brain.
The city's sweat is scaring her into her dreams
As the songs scream to fill her quiet evening.

This could almost fit either Tifa or Aerith (who I don't have the courage to write). When the "city sweats" could be interpreted as how the planet talks to Aerith, or how Tifa feels about Cloud leaving. And they've been hurt by love...

Set Free by Katie Grey

Best Line(s): And you got style
And you got grace
And you got the means
To leave that place
But you'll never, never make it
And you'll never, never break it

Until you learn to see
Until you set free

I just love this song. I managed to learn to play it on the guitar, which was quite a feat for me. It could fit just about anyone, including myself.

Rusted From the Rain by Billy Talent

Best Line(s): You hung me like a picture,
Now I'm just a frame.
I used to be a lap dog,
Now I'm just a stray.
Shackled in the graveyard,
Left here to decay.
Left here to decay.
Left here to decay.
I'm rusted from the rain.

The beautiful lyrics can easily conjure so many images. This is the one song I listen to a lot when I’m writing. It’s the perfect blend of quiet and loud. Plus, I love Billy Talent. Rock on, my fellow Canadians.

Cross My Heart – Marianas Trench

Best Line(s): I miss the stupid things
We'd go to sleep and then
You'd wake me up and kick me out of bed at 3 am
Pick up the phone and hear you saying dirty things to me
Do what you wanna do
What you wanna do
What you...

Sometimes, when the family isn’t home, I crank this song and dance around the house. This is a song I use to relax me. Its upbeat melody is so wicked. I love it.

Losing Streak – Eels

Best Line(s): Was I wrong about the world
It's a beautiful new place
Where else could a creep like me
Meet such a pretty face

This is the song played at the end of Shrek the Third. It’s a good reminder that life isn’t so hard after all.

I'm alive...kinda...sorta

2009-09-01T02:04:25Z

*WAVES*

Hey guys!! I'm just letting you know that I am still alive. I went on a trip with my family.
And now I'm looking into a long term stay at my local mental hospital.

FIC: What Once Was Lost (Rated: R, Leon/Cloud)

2009-07-28T05:07:46Z

Title: What Once Was Lost

Pairing: Leon/Cloud, mentions of ?/Cloud

Warnings: Rape, angst, sex...just my usual

Beta:etrix

Notes: This was supposed to be a short story. But it turned into a 14 and a little bit page monster.

“How was I supposed to know the old lady would smack me with her purse? All I said was that it was good she was being healthy.” Leon scowled, idly rubbing a red mark on his arm.

Next to him in the car, Cloud tried to keep from smiling. He gripped the steering wheel hard. “Leon...no woman, no matter how old, wants a man to comment on the contents of her purse. Especially when there are condoms.”

The brunet ‘hmphed’ slightly. “Well, she shouldn’t have dropped it then.”

Cloud sighed, a slight smile finally breaking through. “You don’t know much about women, do you Leon?” Well, neither did he. But at least he had the experience of having a sister. He learned how to keep on his toes, that was for sure.

“Well, seeming as the only girl I dated ran off with my worst enemy...no, I don’t.”

Cloud winced, watching his friend and roommate out of the corner of his eye. It had been a year, but Leon still hadn’t forgotten Rinoa. And how she had left him for Seifer. Who Cloud had never met, but sounded like a real asshole. Personally, he thought anyone who left Leon was stupid to say the least. His grip tightened on the steering wheel again, nails digging into the leather. He didn’t know when these feelings had started, he had been living with Leon for over two years, but they were getting increasingly hard to ignore.

Leon shot him a frown. “What are you thinking about?”

Cloud blinked, coming out of his reverie. “Huh?”

The older man pointed at the steering wheel. “You’re gripping it pretty tight there.”

The blond loosened his grip, fake smile coming over his face. “Nothing really. Just some work stuff.”

Leon focused his steel gray eyes on Cloud, studying. The silence that followed was awkward as Cloud avoided the gaze by staring at the road. Finally, Leon spoke, “fine.” He looked out the window. “Can we stop at the bank? I have a cheque I’m supposed to deposit.”

The blond nodded, glad the focus was off of him. “Yeah, I needed to go there anyways.”

Later, the two were waiting in line. The machine outside was broken and both men were unwilling to drive around to find another. To alleviate the inevitable boredom that comes from waiting in line, they kept a conversation going with small talk about each other’s day. Cloud worked for a small, independent delivery service, while Leon worked as a columnist in the local newspaper. Both jobs required little contact with people as both men tended to shrink away from socialization. Maybe that was why they got along so well.

Cloud was just about to begin a story about his “charming” boss Cid when the door to the front of the bank swung open violently. Attention gone to the sudden increase of volume. His brain froze, unable to process the scene in front of him.

Six men (at least he thought they were men) strode towards the front desk. The reason Cloud was able to distinguish the gender was the fact that each of them wore a Halloween mask. Nightmarish werewolves, demons, and vampires loomed out of dark hoods. Another fact that didn’t escape Cloud’s attention was each of them had a deadly looking gun. He didn’t know enough about guns to name the make or model. Beside him, Leon inhaled sharply. Cloud snapped his blue eyes to Leon, suddenly very afraid. But not for himself, afraid for Leon, afraid of what may happen.

One of the masked people, a grotesque demon, turned to the few people in line. Emerald green eyes twinkled maliciously in the eye sockets, as they scanned the crowd. They landed on Cloud and stayed there. Not willing to be cowed, Cloud stared back. Somehow, the blond just knew he was smirking behind his cover. Finally, the gaze moved on.

“Now, I don’t want any misfortunate accidents to happen.” The man’s voice was silky and cruel. But it was quiet, which made it all the scarier. He aimed a gun at the teller, a middle-aged woman. “So you will follow my associate’s instructions.”

Another moved forward, vaulting over the counter. “Show me where the money is, missus.” With a nod, the trembling clerk led the man towards the safe. The rest of the men, Cloud could tell they were all men by their voices, started to herd the terrified bank customers along to the safe as well. Cloud started to follow, but a hard hand clamped down in his arm. He turned, looking in demon’s face.

“Not you, though. I might need a hostage.” Leon looked back and surged forward, intent on helping his friend only to get clubbed to the side of his face with a gun by one of the other men. He stumbled, blood instantly welling up. As the man raised the butt to strike him again, Cloud yanked his arm free. He placed himself between a downed Leon and the gunman, protecting him from further injury.

“Leave him alone!”

The man started to raise his fist, to hit him, when there was a curt sound. It took Cloud a few seconds to realize that someone was laughing. The leader stepped forward, his mirth muffled by the mask. “Leave.” He gestured to the others. “Take the rest of the people and lock them in the safe. I’ll stay here with him.” He pointed the gun at Cloud. “And guard the entrance.” He looked at his watch. “You have thirteen minutes. Go.”

Soon, it was just Cloud and the man. The blond glanced around, suddenly very aware how alone and vulnerable he was. The gunman was watching him now, head cocked slightly to the side. “On your knees.”

Cloud bit back an angry retort, his anxiety prickling anew. He obeyed, floor hard under his knees. He had a hole in his jeans and his skin was getting cold. Cloud flinched as the gun was used to trace the outline of his jaw and cheeks. “So tell me...was that your boyfriend?”

Cloud shook his head, breathing rate increasing. “No.” He clenched his eyes shut. “He’s a friend.”

A dark chuckle was his response. “A friend. Of course.” Now a leather clad hand was threading its way through his hair. It took all of his control not to pull away. “But you wish he was more, don’t you? I saw the way you looked at him on the way into the bank, how you brushed close to him.” The gun slid underneath Cloud’s chin. His face was tilted up, blue eyes meeting green. “Oh come on. You can tell me.”

Cloud didn’t say anything, hating that he was on his knees still.

“He’s kind of an idiot, though. He has a pretty boy lusting after him, and he doesn’t do a goddamned thing about it.” Cloud couldn’t contain his shudder of disgust as a thumb caressed his cheekbone with overt gentleness. “Oh, don’t be modest. You are a pretty one. Now, if I was him, I would take complete advantage of it.”

The implication of the words and his position suddenly hit Cloud. He glared up into the horrific face, lip trembling. “Fuck you.” His voice trembled.

Another chuckle. “In time. It would be so easy for my men to kill all those people, your boyfriend included.” He cupped Cloud’s chin. “It doesn’t have to be painless. I know how to hurt.” The blond went numb with horror, mind flashing to a bloody Leon. He had a feeling it could be so much worse. “You know what I want you to do.”

Cloud lost his breath all at once. He knew what this man wanted. It was pretty obvious, the evidence practically waving in his face. It was horrifying, knowing he had no choice. But he couldn’t risk Leon’s life, or those innocent people’s lives, by resisting now.

Shaking slightly, he raised his hands to the waistband of the man’s pants. He forced his rapid growing nausea down. Fuck. He really had to do this. He stopped, hands so numb he couldn’t feel his fingers. The muzzle of the gun pressed into his cheek. “Keep going.”

Swallowing loudly, Cloud pulled the pants down just enough to expose the stranger’s cock. He faltered when he saw just how hard the man was already. It made things a little easier. Just do it. Then you can home, throw up and pretend this whole thing never happened.

But his body wouldn’t cooperate. The scent of male excitement was overwhelming his senses, the manhood heavy in his hand. The man’s hand slid behind his head. “Don’t tell me you have never done this before.” His voice was thick with want now. He rubbed a thumb over Cloud’s mouth, smirking at the look of revulsion. “You have a pretty mouth. Use it.” There was anger mixed in with the arousal now.

Cloud gritted his teeth again. He had done this before. It was just a blowjob. But there was something just shameful about it. He was powerless, with gun to his head.

Steeling himself, he took the man into his mouth. He nearly gagged at the feel of soft skin and hard muscles. He stopped, unexpectedly terrified. The disgusting taste of sex filled his mouth. The breathing above him became hot and heavy accompanied by lusty moans. The hand tightened around his neck, a wordless order to continue. He bobbed his head, tongue working in time with his mouth. He was nothing more than a whore now, a thing to be used as this man saw fit.

The moans rose as Cloud fulfilled the masked stranger’s need. Then, with no warning, the man reached his peak, filling his mouth with the bitter liquid. Quickly, he withdrew. Cloud tried to spit it out but the leather hand clamped his mouth shut. The gun pressed painfully into his cheek.

“Swallow, sweetheart.”

Slowly, Cloud swallowed, the fluid sliding down his throat. That was it. He hated himself.

As he was shoved away, something snapped inside him. Tears spilled down his face, as he curled up within himself. Someone loomed over him, the demon mask inches away from his face.

“I should take you with me.” The words were light, as was the hand back in his hair. Cloud could barely contain the terror that those words brought. Footsteps were heard as the rest of the men came out. Bags were bulging with money.

One of the vampire masks studied the odd position his boss was in with the hostage. “What’s going on?”

The leader stood, shrugging. “Nothing.” They strode to the exit, he paused to look back at Cloud. “Nothing at all.”

Finally, in the silence, Cloud started to sob.

What seemed like hours later, Leon sighed with relief as he entered his apartment. He bandages on his head itched slightly. His hand cramped from having to fill out report after report of what had happened. But he wasn’t worried about himself. Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Cloud slowly walk to sit on one of the chairs in the living room. His blue eyes found the floor and stayed there. The blond had been acting very subdued. He had sworn that nothing had happened while he was alone with that maniac. Leon swallowed. God, that had been terrifying. If he ever lost Cloud...

He cleared his throat, causing Cloud to look up sharply. “Are you thirsty? I can get you water or...?” He left the statement hanging. Cloud nodded slightly, gaze going back to the floor. Leon frowned. He stepped into the small kitchen and filled a glass of water. Pausing for a minute, he grabbed one of his sleeping pills. He had stopped using them a while ago, after he figured out he was in love with...

He placed the water and pill in front of Cloud. The man looked at them, frowning. “What’s that?”

“Something that will help you sleep.”

Cloud stood, eyes haunted. “I don’t need that. I can sleep fine.” He grabbed the glass and downed it. He placed back on the coffee table. “Good night.”

Leon blinked, surprised at this show of curtness. “Good night.” The door slamming shut was his response.

He sat for a few more minutes, staring at the empty glass and the small pill. Something had happened, that was for sure. An image of Cloud, clearly terrified as he tried to wrench himself free from the robber’s grasp flooded his mind. He had acted on instinct, wanting to hide the blond away from everything. Just take him in his arms and protect him. He had failed then, and he was failing now. Leon drummed his fingers impatiently.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Cloud took of his shoes, flinging them across his room. At first he didn’t bother to take off his clothes, idly toying with the frayed hem of his t-shirt. Then the memories surfaced.

With a shudder, he yanked his pants and shirt off and flung them near his garbage can. He never wanted to wear them again.

Standing in the dim light of his room in his boxers, he heaved loudly. Finally, his body rebelled against his control and he barely reached his toilet in time to vomit. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as his whole body retched. Flushing the toilet, he brought his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them. His matted blond hair hung over his eyes. It was over. Over.

So why did he feel so afraid?

I should take you with me. God, those words had horrified him. He couldn’t imagine what that would be like. He probably would never see Leon again. That idea terrified him more than anything else.

What if that lunatic found him again? His eyes had spelled it out plainly. He wanted more. And he didn’t seem like the kind of person to just let things go. Cloud made himself smaller, hating that he felt afraid in his own home.

Feeling slightly brave, he ventured into his room. He grabbed a baggy pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. Quickly dressing, he sat down on the edge of his bed, frowning balefully at the floor, before falling back onto his bed. Cloud curled up, staring at the wall. He stayed like that until the first rays of light filled his room.

Leon was woken by the soft sounds of rummaging in the kitchen. The numbers of the clock slowly came into focus. It was five-twenty in the morning. He got up, not bothering to grab any clothes. He opened his door and got a frightened, pale face snapping up. “Cloud.”

The blond couldn’t help but admire how beautiful Leon was. He was shirtless, which showed off his toned and tanned chest. This thought caused him to freeze.

But you wish it was more, don’t you?

Cloud pressed his hand hard onto the counter. Now even his innocent infatuation with Leon was tainted. Nothing was sacred. He flicked his eyes over to Leon. “You know what, I’m actually not hungry.” He grabbed his coat and keys, all but running to the door. “I’ll see you later.”

Leon sat down, disheartened by this. It was only now that he realized Cloud didn’t have to be into work until another two hours.

Cloud sat in his car, trying to get a grip his emotions. He breathed hard, exhaling harshly. He fastened his seatbelt and started the engine. The exit to the parking garage rapidly loomed before him. He slammed on the brakes, finding himself unable to pull forward. That man was somewhere out there. He was laughing over what happened. Maybe even trying to find him.

Cloud closed his eyes, turning around to re-park his car.

Leon breathed in slowly, letting it out even slower. It had been six days since the robbery. Things with Cloud had not improved at all. The blond had taken to saying inside all day. He wasn’t going to work, he wasn’t eating, and he wasn’t sleeping properly either. He had lost weight and the circles under his eyes were darkening. Leon drummed his nails softly, a habit he has picked up lately. Watching the man he loved like this was killing him. He stared at the bedroom door. He had gotten Cloud to finally take a sleeping pill, after much cajoling. He was sleeping. At last.

The dark-haired male leaned back, transferring his gaze to the ceiling. He was fed up with tiptoeing around Cloud, but the blond was plainly scared of leaving his own place. Something bad had happened. Something really bad.

He can’t eat or sleep. He’s scared of everything. He can’t stand to be touched.

Leon sat up, a thought striking him like lightening. Cloud had been alone with the freak for quite a while, plenty of time for something to happen.

Leon sat up, covering his mouth. God, he was such an idiot. Why hadn’t he seen it sooner? He turned back to Cloud’s door. Feeling apprehensive, an emotion he hadn’t experienced in a long time, he reached for the doorknob.

Cloud was back in the bank, only this time, there were no exits. His breathing shallow, he tried to find a way out. He pounded on the walls, hoping they would give way under his hands. To his amazement, they did. Suddenly, he was back in his bedroom. His breathing evened out slowly. It was okay. He was safe.

“Hello, pretty boy.”

His sight was filled with the demon mask, leather-gloved hands grabbing for his wrists. He cried out in horror, yanking them free. He punched the man in the face, too scared to feel triumph at the groan of pain. This was his haven. How had he found him here? He wasn’t safe. He wasn’t safe.

“Cloud!”

He wasn’t safe

“Cloud! Wake up!”

“L...eon?” With a sudden jolt, Cloud awoke. His wild gaze took in his surroundings. Leon was holding his jaw, working it slightly. Apart from him, there was no one else. It was dream.

His relief was quickly overshadowed by his guilt. He had punched someone in the face, just not his supposed attacker. He sat up, on the verge of apologizing. But the brunet held up his hand. “Don’t. It’s okay, I shouldn’t have scared you.” There was on awkward silence. Leon’s eyes were pained. “Cloud, what’s going on? You can tell me.” Cloud looked away, jaw set. “I just want to help.”

The blond looked up, desperately wanting to burst into tears and seek the comfort Leon was obviously willing to give. But something forced him to shake his head instead. “I’m fine, Leon.” To prove his point, he got up, only to stumble slightly. Suddenly, the other man was there, holding him. Cloud nearly lost his breath at the brush of his bare arm against Leon’s.

I saw the way you looked at him on the way into the bank, how you brushed close to him.

“I’m fine!” His voice went a little high in his panic and he jerked away from Leon. The brunet held his hands out, not following as Cloud skittered across the room to flatten against the wall.

“No, Cloud...you’re not fine. I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation, trying to give you space. But you aren’t eating, or sleeping. For god’s sake, you were nearly screaming in your sleep!” Cloud flinched at the sudden increase of volume. Leon inhaled, getting his emotions under control, not wanting to scare the younger man. “I’m really worried about you. I want to help.” He took a step forward, relived when Cloud didn’t try to shrink back. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Dull sapphire eyes met his. “Oh, nothing much. Just that a crazy man with a gun forced me to suck him off to prevent him from killing you and everyone else in that vault.” He felt a cruel sense of satisfaction when Leon recoiled in pain, as if he had been slapped.

Leon took another step forward. “Cloud...”His voice was barely above a whisper. “I-I’m sorry.”

The blond turned around and stomped out into the kitchen. Leon had only started to follow when he heard a drawer open and the sounds of rummaging. He entered the room and was frozen by what he saw. Cloud had a knife in his hand and was tracing disturbing cuts on his forearm. “Are you sorry, Leon?” His voice was disturbingly blank. “You’re sorry? I am too.”

Leon lunged forward, knocking the knife out of the blond’s hand. He turned, seizing Cloud’s shoulders and shook them. “What do you think you are doing?” His voice wavered.

The same dullness from before took over Cloud’s eyes again. “Just...tell me I’m useless, Leon. I’m a whore. We all know it.”

Leon was shocked. Obviously this had a worse effect than he initially thought. He gathered Cloud’s cheeks in his hands, forcing the blond to look at him. “Listen to me. What happened was not your fault. You were raped, Cloud. You’re a victim.” He held firm when Cloud tried to pull away.

Cloud blinked rapidly, embarrassed by his oncoming tears. “But I didn’t stop it.” A stray tear traced its way down his cheek. It handed on Leon’s thumb.

“You had a gun to your head. You didn’t want it, any of it.” He slid closer, pressing the younger man to his body. “This wasn’t your fault. And if I ever catch you doing something like this to yourself again,” he gestured to Cloud’s arm, “I’ll...I’ll spank you.”

Despite the situation, that brought a dry smile. “You’ll spank me?”

Leon shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Yes.”

Cloud leaned forward, resting his forehead on a strong bicep. His body was shaking, and a few laughs were heard. But soon, the laughs dissolved into crying. “You...have no idea...”

Leon was more alarmed now. He carefully pulled Cloud up, looking into his sapphire eyes. “I have no idea about what?”

Cloud gave a hollow laugh. “I love you Leon. I was in love with you even before you broke up with Rinoa. I prepared myself for a life of just being your friend, and I was okay with that. But now I can’t even be that. He’s always there, in my head, in my dreams.”

Just when Leon thought he couldn’t become even more surprised...”Cloud...”

“I understand, Leon. You don’t feel the...” He was silenced by the gentle pressure of Leon’s lips on his own. As if he was afraid of spooking the blond, the other man backed off. There was another silence, Cloud’s blue eyes staring into Leon’s uncertain grey ones.

Leon cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “Well...”

Cloud sighed, looking away. “Leon, don’t do this. Don’t do that because you pity me.”

“It’s not pity.” Leon’s voice was quiet. “I love you, Cloud Strife. Who else has been there for me when I needed it? You’ve always been my light, the one I came home to each night.” He looked up, holding Cloud’s gaze. “I love you. I’ll say it as many times as you need me to.”

Cloud allowed himself to be embraced. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so safe, so comfortable. He wrapped his arms around Leon, hugging the warm body closer to him, like he was trying to climb inside Leon’s skin. They stayed like that for a long time, simply basking the glow of each other’s presence. Cloud radiating in the strength and love, Leon in the knowledge that finally he was happy.

Leon pulled away slightly, still holding onto Cloud. “On Tuesday we are going to a therapist.” The newspaper company he worked for had a good medical plan, which included mental health care. He wasn’t going to kid himself into thinking he was the man’s salvation, Cloud needed professional help. “You need to talk about this. About the anger you have with yourself...and with me.”

The blond’s head shot up. “I’m not angry with you.”

Leon sighed, “Cloud, I know that deep inside, you wish there was something I could have done. Don’t deny it.”

The blond opened his mouth, but closed it after a few seconds. It was completely irrational, stupid, and petty. But he did feel a bit bitter towards Leon.

The brunet smiled sadly, brushing a blond spike out of Cloud’s eyes. “It’ll help you, I promise.” He leaned forward, pressing another chaste kiss to petal-coloured lips. “Let’s go to bed.”

Cloud stood, leaning on Leon. He felt a bit uncertain now, not sure what to do. “Can we sleep in the same bed?”

Leon sighed and smiled, relieved. “Of course.”

Over the next two months, Cloud’s demeanour did improve. His sleep was barely plagued by nightmares and he was slowly gaining back some of the weight he lost. He returned to work, where his boss gruffly told him he’d been missed. The daily therapist visits were now on a weekly basis. The doctor, a man named Dr. Daniels, had been very patient and understanding. Cloud had initially refused to talk, clamming up about the details of his assault. But after some careful probing, the doctor had gotten the blond to open up. Cloud let everything flood out, his shame, his hurt, even his anger at himself and Leon.

The doctor’s office became somewhat of a safe place as well. Leon came with him to every appointment, waited patiently until the hour was up, and then drove Cloud home. The most interesting day was when he was invited in. Inside, Cloud explained why he was angry. He was realizing he was a victim, and needed someone to blame. He now understood that neither he nor Leon was to blame, it was the man who had pointed a gun at his head. For one of the few times in his life, Leon allowed himself to cry in front of a stranger.

In their relationship, things progressed at a slow but comfortable pace. Cloud little by little became used to being touched without jumping. Leon always made sure he was in sight, and never snuck up on him. The brunet found himself fascinated by just watching Cloud. His pale skin was so soft and smooth to the touch. His beautiful blue eyes that brightened when he was happy. Even when he was in something as simple as sweatpants and a t-shirt, Leon thought he was gorgeous. The blush that followed whenever Leon told Cloud so was adorable. The shy, sideways glance, when he told Leon he was good-looking as well was endearing.

Sex was never really discussed.

In the evening, the two would sit on the couch and watch TV. Often, Leon was acutely aware of just how close Cloud was sitting next to him, the warm curve of his body. Sometimes when Cloud was in bed, Leon had to rush to the bathroom and vent his arousal. He tried to keep quiet, but the walls were thin in their apartment. The blond would always give him an uncertain look, when he entered their bedroom, and Leon knew he was expressing his guilt at putting the brunet in that situation. Leon always reassured him, explaining that he wasn’t in any hurry. They would get there, one day. In the meantime, he was happy just being able to sleep next to Cloud at night. The kisses were gradually getting more intimate, Cloud’s fear disappearing. Leon had never been with a man, but somehow kissing Cloud felt so right that he couldn’t deny himself.

Their days took on this comfortable routine. One night Cloud had managed to tangle himself comfortably within Leon’s limbs. The room was illuminated by the TV, but neither man was paying much attention. They were dozing lightly, breathing even. Over his tiredness, Cloud dimly registered the voice of the announcer of the news.

“...responsible for several robberies, including the Hollow Bastion bank robbery.”

Cloud sat up, sleepiness forgotten. He scrambled for the remote, turning up the volume. He sat on the floor, riveted to the screen. Leon blinked, looking confused at his sudden loss of warmth.

“Police apprehended the majority of the suspects. However, one refused to surrender and proceeded to shoot at the police after ordered several times to lower his gun. Officers had no choice but to return fire. He died as a result of his wounds.” The screen flashed to a picture of a man who had long silver hair and cold green eyes. Cloud nearly lost his breath. He knew those eyes anywhere. “Police have now confirmed that he was indeed the architect of these planned robberies and are searching for his identity....”

Leon took the remote from Cloud’s numb fingers, turning the television off. In the dark, he could make out Cloud’s outline. The blond wasn’t moving. Slowly, Leon reached over and flicked on the lamp next to him. The blond started at the rush of light, but still didn’t move. The brunet slid off the couch, landing next to his boyfriend. Eyes flicked over to him, but instead of fear, there was anger. It was building and building until...

“THAT FUCKING COWARD!” Cloud was practically seething, breath hissing with each inhale. “All this time, I was contenting myself with the fact that he would hopefully be arrested and thrown in jail. Then someone would do to him the exact same thing he did to me. And what does he do? He took the easy way out!” Cloud stood, pacing angrily while muttering. “He deserved to pay. He deserved to go to prison and be fucking raped!”

Leon watched from his seat on the floor. He knew that his best bet was to wait until Cloud was done venting. It would push out some of the bitter poison still residing in his heart.

Cloud threw himself down next to Leon, eyes wild. “All this time, I was afraid. Afraid he was going to come find me, that he would hurt you...”

Leon leaned closer, resting his forehead against the other man’s. He idly rubbed Cloud’s cheekbone with his thumb. “He’s dead. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Cloud closed his eyes, hands clenching. “He’s. Still. There. He’s still there, in my head and my dreams. I want to go on, be normal, now that he’s gone for good, but I don’t think I can.” He tried to pull himself away from the brunet. “I still feel so tainted, Leon.

Leon held him close still. “Listen to me. I don’t expect you to magically “feel better” after something like this. It can take months, even years until you feel normal again. I’m not going to leave you. You think you’re tainted?” He paused, dropping a soft kiss to Cloud’s mouth. “I think you’re so beautiful that it hurts to look at you. None of this is your fault, do you hear me? I will keep saying it until you believe me. It’s not your fault.”

“I’m...beautiful?” Wide blue eyes flicked down to the floor. He felt the sudden urge to hide himself. Leon was the beautiful one, not him.

A strong hand cupped under his chin. “Don’t do that. Look at me.” Another kiss ensued, this one deeper, more passionate. Leon’s look became indecipherable, his grey eyes dark. “Let me show you how I feel. I want to make love to you until the only thing on your mind is how good I am making you feel.” He was rewarded by a shudder from Cloud. The man’s breathing sped up until he was almost panting. Was it fear or something else? How could he find out? By asking a simple question: “Do you trust me?” For the first time, uncertainty coloured his voice.

Cloud swallowed, wetting his suddenly dry lips. The words had an undeniable effect on him. This was a man he loved and trusted above all others. He owed it to him to at least try.

“Okay.” He winced; embarrassed that he couldn’t say anything more. He held out his hand, permitting himself to be led towards his bedroom.

Inside, Cloud shivered as his shirt was removed. Gently, he was laid back on his bed. Leon hovered over him, weight braced on his hands and elbows. Dipping down, he skimmed his lips along Cloud’s collarbone. Even with the barest of pressure, Cloud inhaled sharply. His skin seemed supersensitive, hyper-aware of every movement. He could feel Leon smile against his skin. Soon, the lips moved to his throat, tenderly sucking on exposed skin. He gasped when Leon licked his Adam’s apple. Then, the brunet drew back, eyes was again unreadable. “I’ve never done this with a man before,” he confessed. His hand soothingly traveled up and down Cloud’s bare arm.

Cloud leaned into the touch, opening his eyes. He used his hands to rub strong shoulders. “My experience is nothing to be envious of. I had a friend once. Sure we did stuff, but we never got very far.” Zack was married to a very nice girl, named Aerith. Cloud had actually gone to their wedding. He expected to become upset at the sight of the man he loved marrying another person. But there had been no flash of pain, no jealous anger. It was then that he realized he never had loved Zack. “We...should probably take our time. I want to get to know you. “His hands cupped Leon’s face, pulling him down for a kiss.

Leon nodded, looking slightly relieved. “I want to get to know you as well.” His voice lowered slightly, pressing his clothed chest to Cloud’s naked upper half. “All the spots on your body that drive you wild. All of the delicious noises I’m sure you’ll make. Everything.”

Cloud panted softly again, his fear being quickly overridden by the lust Leon was awaking in him. Slowly the cruel voice in his head was replaced by the Leon’s loving one. He sat up, tugging Leon’s shirt off. He wordlessly scanned the impressive body in front of him. He used his hands to explore the flat planes of Leon’s chest, pausing only to examine any marks he could fine. A scar here, a freckle there. His pinkie finger brushed over a wine-coloured nipple. A sudden inhale of pleasure was his response. Interested, he did it again, watching the skin around tense and harden. He rolled it around in between his fingers, teasing the hard bud.

Leon suddenly moved, rolling them around until he was leaning over Cloud again. “My turn.” With overt gentleness, he repeated the same motions as Cloud did before. The blond whined softly, urging Leon to press harder. He wasn’t fragile.

Yet, it was wonderful to be treated this way. Like he was a rare treasure, to be pampered with the utmost care. The disgusting, impersonal touches of his attacker were being erased from his memory. Cloud writhed as Leon did exactly as he said he would. His neck, nipples, bellybutton, even his left hip seemed to have a direct effect on his cock. He had never been this turned on before. And he wasn’t even undressed yet.

Leon was having the same feelings. Cloud caressed his back and sides, blue eyes bright with coiling desire. The brunet was fascinated by the noises that were a language all their own. When he was with Rinoa, he had never felt...this fulfilled. The sex had been good, but he had been missing something all along. Cloud was submitting himself so sweetly to Leon’s ministrations, assuring the brunet of his strength. He put complete trust in Leon, letting his reactions talk for him. A soft whimper when his bellybutton was licked. I need you. A sharp inhale when his neck was nipped. I trust you. A cry when his cock was squeezed through his pants. I love you.

Wanting to see more, Leon hooked the waistband of Cloud’s pants and underwear with his fingers. With a nod from his lover, the slipped them over thin hips and strong legs. Uncaring where the articles landed, he threw them over his shoulder. Cloud flushed slightly, restless as Leon stared at him, eyes traveling up and down the length of his body. “What?”

The older man leaned down, covering the slighter body with his own. “You have no idea how stunning you are, do you?” He rested his forehead against Cloud’s, eyes truthful. “I could stare at you all day.”

The flush spread down the blonds’ pale chest, the soft pink vivid. “Have you looked in the mirror recently? You are beautiful.” He moved until he was free to kiss whatever skin he could reach.

Now it was Leon’s turn to blush. With a wry grin, he shook his head. “Let’s just agree to disagree on who is better looking.” He looked down, his eyes briefly flashing with uncertainty. He rested his hand on Cloud’s flat lower stomach, his gaze on the slighter man’s hardening erection.

Cloud leaned up, eyes blank. “You don’t have to do anything. I can take care of it myself.” I knew it. He can’t bring himself to touch me.

Leon caught the hidden message behind the quiet words. He massaged the blonds’ neck. “It’s not that. I’ve just...never done this on anyone but myself.” He caught soft lips in a reassuring kiss. “What do you want me to do?”

Cloud nearly slapped himself. Leon’s never done this with a man. He blinked, unsure of how to instruct Leon what to do. He didn’t know what to do. He had never had anyone ever ask him what he wanted.

Leon smiled sadly at the look of loss of Cloud’s face. Anger flared at the dead man and what he did to Cloud. The blond was so unsure of himself, it was unsettling. He suspected no one had ever treated the blond with gentleness before. Sure, he said he had been with someone before, but Leon had a pretty good idea that it was nothing more than an opportunity for a release of hormones. “Do you want me to touch you?” He dipped his hand lower, idly playing with the short blond hair.

Cloud nodded, eyes fluttering close. “Yes. Please. Touch me, Leon.” The thrust his hips up, hesitation and fear forgotten.

How could he refuse a request like that?

Thinking it would be easier if they were in the position he used to masturbate, Leon arranged them so that Cloud was leaning back against his chest. Pushing his own doubt away, Leon cupped Cloud’s half-hard manhood, and coaxed it to hardness. The cry this action prompted was louder than before, and sweat started forming on Cloud’s forehead. With slow movements, Leon jerked Cloud off. Even without the presence of mind to form sentences, Cloud still managed to speak to Leon. The brunet added a flick, teasing the small slit that the head, a sensation he’d always enjoyed. At the same time he whispered sweet nothings, commending the blond for his bravery. “You’re not tainted, baby. Not broken, not dirty, just...perfect.” He went slow and steady, delighting in the feel of Cloud squirming against him. He preferred hard, quick strokes while bringing himself off, but was willing to take the time to draw this experience out. Cloud seemed to be enjoying himself, his face missing the guards usually put up to protect himself. Leon was so caught up in his ministrations that he barely noticed his own arousal flowing in his veins. This was for Cloud. His own lust could wait.

Cloud could feel his orgasm approaching. His thrust his hips in time with his lover’s pumping. He was safe, high above the world. Nothing could touch him. Nothing but Leon’s gentle hands on his body. The words reached his frantic brain, sinking into his consciousness. He twisted his head around, wild eyes focused on Leon, whose face looked powerful and loving at the same time. The brunet nibbled on Cloud’s tender ear, tugging on it slightly. “Come for me,” the words were growled. “Let me watch you.”

That opened the barriers inside him. Without a sound, Cloud came hard, coating Leon’s hand in thick fluid. Some of his come splattered onto his stomach, but he couldn’t bring himself to wipe it off. He kept thrusting up, riding out this ecstasy as long as he could. Trembling, he collapsed down into Leon’s strong arms. The other man held him, still murmuring soft words of comfort. Idly, Leon lifted his wet hand and licked it. The taste was oddly arousing.

Cloud was finally able to get himself under control. He snuggled close to Leon, pressing lazy kisses to the man’s bare arms. He shifted, thinking of how wonderful it would be to go to sleep. Only to come into contact with something hard poking into his back. He looked back up, eyes wide. “Leon, you didn’t come.”

Leon shrugged slightly. “It’s okay. This was supposed to be about you.”

Cloud shook his head, pulling himself out Leon’s embrace. “That’s not fair. You didn’t come.” He paused, once again awed by the toned body beneath him. This man had made him feel good. Leon deserved to feel the same. Cloud’s voice lowered to a whisper. “I want to try.”

Leon allowed himself to be appraised. The offer was tempting, but he didn’t want Cloud to feel he had to do this. “You don’t have to do anything.” His suggestion was weak, he knew, but Cloud was just so delicious.

“I want to try.” The statement was repeated, this time a bit more firm. Leon nodded, letting his body being laid on the bed. Cloud scattered wet, but gentle, kisses down Leon’s torso. He faltered just a bit when he grasped his lover’s pants, but Leon brushed a reassuring hand through his hair. This doubled his efforts to relax. Much like Leon before him, he flung the pants over his shoulder. Despite the nagging nerves, he drank in the sight of the brunet’s naked body. His bare legs, strong and powerfully built, were still silky to the touch. But what had Cloud’s attention was the growing flesh between his legs. Leon’s cock stood up proudly from a nest of dark curls. “Leon, you’re going to have to tell me what you like. I’ve done this twice before, neither attempts very successful.”

The words took a few minutes to process. Leon was still tingling from where Cloud had touched him. “Don’t feel you need to rush. In fact,” he leaned back, spreading his legs further,” I would prefer you didn’t.”

Cloud nodded. He titled his head down, eyes locked on Leon’s. Flashes of what happened at the bank imprinted themselves on his eyelids, that cold voice echoed faintly in his brain, but he ruthlessly shoved them back. This is nothing like that. I have control now. This can stop at anytime.

With a few sharp licks, he teased the head, red with arousal, tasting the fluid that had gathered there. It wasn’t bitter, just peculiar. Above him, Leon gave a strangled groan, letting his head fall back into the pillow. Feeling a bit braver, he traced the vein along the steely, softness of the underside of Leon’s arousal. This prompted a cry, deep and wanton. Cloud blinked, loving the feeling he had. He was making this man, this powerful and beautiful man, cry out like this. He shuddered slightly, the power rush making his head fuzzy for a minute.

Deciding he didn’t want to tease Leon anymore, Cloud took the head into his mouth. Then, inch by inch, he took the rest of Leon’s cock into his mouth. A strong hand tangled its self in his hair, fingering the soft strands. Instead of cold leather, it was warm flesh. Above him, Leon stuttered his approval. Cloud knew he was ready for this. With a gentle bobbing motion, he used his lips and tongue to draw the reaction he wanted from Leon. The hard flesh twitched in his mouth. The moans above him grew in crescendo, announcing that Leon was going to come soon.

“C-Cloud. I’m gonna...” With a tug, he pulled Cloud’s mouth off of him. He came with a keening cry, coating his stomach was thick strands of his fluids. Heart beating wildly, Leon flopped back onto the bed. Cloud reached over, grabbing a random towel of his floor. He cleaned his sated lover, careful not to over-stimulate the obviously sensitive skin. In the silence, both men gathered their thoughts.

“Cloud-“

At the same time, “Leon, I-“

Both smiled and laughed slightly. Leon stretched himself out, looking like a large kitten. “You go first.”

The blond took another moment to collect his thoughts. “You are amazing. I don’t know exactly what I’ve done to deserve this. In fact, I don’t know if I do deserve this.” He rested his hands on Leon’s chest, face awed. “You do love me. And think I’m beautiful, and...” The words weren’t spoken, but they were understood. That it’s not my fault.

Leon reached up, drawing Cloud to hold him close. “Cloud.” The simple pronunciation of his name called up so many emotions. “I love you, just for being you. That’s all you have to know. It’ll never change.” The bond between them solidified with those words. Positioning himself, Leon brought Cloud to curl up by his side. A soft kiss was exchanged, both too sated and happy to become aroused by it. With a flick of his wrist, Cloud covered the both of them with a blanket. “Go to sleep.” Leon’s voice was coloured with exhaustion already. “We can talk in the morning.” Cloud obeyed, body sagging with sleep.

And for the first time, in a long time, his dreams were pleasant. He spent the whole night lying with Leon, watching the stars, and feeling safe.

Sing to Me

2009-07-22T06:28:52Z

Well, I had a good day! Finally...
I went to see one of my favorite bands, Marianas Trench. First concert in two years and man, was I ever pleased.
Josh Ramsay (pretty boy extrodinaire) is so charasmatic. He did jokes and silly dances. He was fantastic!!
Funniest part of the show was when someone threw their pants on stage. Josh stops in the middle of his speech to stare unbelievingly at them.
J: Are those...pants?! *runs over* What are you wearing now?! *bends down to pick them up* You guys are so lucky this is a family show!

Another gem...
J: How are you guys doing tonight!!? *crowd screams*
Lead Guitarist Mike: *points to the other side* How are you doing?! *crowd screams louder*
J: Oh! Are we playing the 'Who Side Is Louder Game?'
The two proceed to direct their respective sides to scream louder
J: *laughs* This reminds me of a show we played once. We played the louder game, only there was the all ages section...which was like this crowd...then five guys in the beer garden. Needless to say...drinking side did NOT do so well. But it was great! I could direct them all! I could be like Bob! George! Mike! Billy! Frank! GO!!!!

And to top it all off.......I SHOOK JOSH'S HAND!! He hopped down to the security barrier and was high fiving people. I, however, held my hand out. He gave me a happy look, then shook it and danced away. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

I'm content....maybe I should expand into writing RPS about these boys...

Peter Pan and The Angel go Hand-in-Hand...

2009-06-27T09:37:58Z

So, I have been feeling..odd lately. Not quite sad, and not quite happy either.

Micheal Jackson has died. This is sad in more ways than one. I just find it so strange, considering he spent his whole life trying to be youthful. He's been accused of doing bad things, but I really hope that people remeber him for the good things. His charity work and his music. Let the man rest in peace.

He's finally gone to his Neverland.

And Farreh Fawcett has died as well. Oh, she was so glamorous. And beautiful, even as the cancer detoriated her body. I know many people may not have known who she was, but she was still an icon as well. She still smiled a lot. It takes a special kind of person to look certain death in the face, and grin. So rest in peace Farreh Fawcett. You were beautiful up until the bitter end.

And the angel get's her wings.

My dad's in the hospital, my friends are fighting, my mom is two steps away from a mental breakdown and I can't help but feel I'm being left behind in the dust as everyone rushes towards their future. I just...don't know anymore.

I am at a loss.

FIC: Force (Angeal/Zack, Rated: R)

2009-06-23T19:49:01Z

Title: Force

Pairing: Angeal/Zack

Warnings: Rape, angst, general unpleasantness

Notes: Well hello again. It's been a while. I haven't really been doing anything lately because my grandmother died. It was saddening, but I am getting back into the rhythm of things. Which brings me to this story. It was orginally a prompt on the Star Trek meme, but I decided to twist it to my liking.

The crew is on a mission and the locals decide to lock them all up together and sacrifice a virgin. Chekov is the only virgin of the group so they have until sunrise to deflower him and keep him safe. There is a willing volunteer (identity up to the author) but since they are in one big cell, everyone is going to hear...

As I said, I just twisted it to my liking. >:)

Beta: The fantastic etrix

It had been a mindlessly simple mission. A few days spent in a conservative village, convincing the leaders that ShinRa was acting in their best interest. Sephiroth was the logical choice to go, a famous SOLDIER that the whole world had heard of. Genesis and Angeal were sent along as well, equally famed, as a gesture of good faith.

Their first mistake was Angeal bringing Zack along. The teen had been thrilled and determined to make his mentor proud. His blue eyes took in every aspect of the new landscape, awed by the change of scenery. This place was nothing like Midgar, tall sky-scrapers were replaced by rustic houses sprawled over a green field and the whole village was overshadowed by a tall temple. A large percentage of the population of this place was of Wuitaian descent, which showed in the decor and mannerisms of the people. Curious, people came out to stare enquiringly at the newcomers. A few murmurs rose up when Zack was seen, but nothing clear could be heard.

Finally, the team arrived at the base of the temple. A group of important looking people dressed in traditional-looking garb were waiting. A tea of some sort was passed along. Sephiroth sniffed at inquisitively, but drank it with a shrug, indicating the others should do it as well. Angeal really wasn’t sure when things had gone wrong, but one of the men cried out. Then, Zack suddenly had a guard at his back, a sharp knife aimed at his throat. Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal were given the order to drop their weapons, an order they were all too ready to comply with. The group of guards was large and there was no point in engaging in a fight now. Silently, the three Firsts agreed that they would wait until later to escape. It seemed like the most logical choice. Next thing they knew, they were all locked inside a dark, cement cell. Nothing was said as Zack traced idle patterns with his fingers in the dust, embarrassed he had got them in this mess. Genesis, unwilling to sit by, tried to break the bars on the door. But only succeeded in making himself tired. Now Sephiroth was sure something was wrong. The bars would have been easy for a First to pry open.

Later, a woman who Sephiroth recognized was a priestess by her garb, stood by the door. She was followed closely by a younger girl who studied the outsiders with horrified fascination. The woman cleared her throat importantly, looking haughty. “Which one of you is the leader?” Her voice was cold and distinct.

Sephiroth stood, green eyes equally cold. “I am. General Sephiroth of ShinRa. If you do not release us, you will be in direct violation of...”

“I do not care for your rules, General Sephiroth of ShinRa.” The priestess interrupted. “ShinRa has sent him to us in time for the festival.”

Now the general was confused, but not showing it. “I’m afraid I do not understand wh...”

Again, the woman interrupted. She pointed at Zack, who’s face paled slightly. “Him. He is an untouched one. Our gods demand a virgin sacrifice. What other reason would you bring him with you?”

There was a nasty silence. Zack had gone completely pale now, eyes anguished. Angeal stood, eyes furious. “If you do this...There is nothing that will stop your village from being razed to the ground. If you let us go know, we’ll go. You’ll never hear from us again.” His voice shook slightly.

The woman shook her head, eyes condescending. “The only wrath I fear is that of the gods. Our people have discovered a tasteless drug that suppresses the effects of the Mako for a short time. It was in the tea you drank this morning. You will not be able to escape, let alone fight us. We will sacrifice him at sunrise, and use his blood as a gift. We can’t let you leave until then.” With that said, she turned and strode out. Her assistant shot them a look that could only be called pitying. Then, a door slammed behind them.

Zack sat down on the floor, eyes wide and unbelieving. His breathing sped up, as his gaze wildly shifted from wall to wall. Angeal, recognizing the signs of an impending panic attack, slid beside his student. “Puppy, shhh, just breathe. You’ll be okay, we’re going to get you out of here, okay?” Usually, he didn’t indulge himself by initiating any physical contact, but this time he wrapped his arms around Zack. The teen hid his face in Angeal’s chest, shamed by the tears that had begun to fall. He softly whispered the same message over and over again, brokenly: ‘I don’t wanna die.’

Angeal shot a look to Sephiroth then Genesis, his eyes holding the same message they had all begun to realize.

There was no way out.

Later, Angeal still had his arm slung over Zack’s shoulder, providing comfort. The second had calmed down considerably, and was also studying the walls, looking for a means of escape. Genesis was counting the tiles of their prison. 87 up, 23 down, 92 up, 50 down. Sephiroth was quiet, breathing calm as he contemplated several escape plans. Right now, their main concern was keeping Zack safe. An surprise attack would be unwise, especially with their lack of enhancements. He wasn’t sure if the priestess was serious, but he was quite unwilling to take that chance. Out of his darkest consciousness, an idea floated up. He snagged it, eyes widening slightly. It was dangerous, and left a lot of potential for disaster and hurt, but it looked like their only choice. If his internal clock was anything to go by, it would only be a few hours until sunrise. They didn’t have much time.

He glanced at Angeal, tilting his head idly to the side. His friend untangled himself from Zack, who jerked awake from his light doze. With a caress of the dark spikes, Zack settled back down. Angeal stood, walking over to sit down next to Sephiroth so they could talk quietly. He stared at Zack, his face drawn. “I can’t lose him, Seph.” The teen turned over again, face innocent in his sleep. “I just can’t.”

Sephiroth flicked his emerald eyes between Angeal and Zack. He hated to suggest this but he’d considered all the possibilities and this was the only way. “Angeal, I have an idea.” The look of hope was almost painful. Slowly, he explained.

A range of emotions flickered over Angeal’s face. Blankness, shock, anger, and fear. “Seph,” he hissed, “I can’t do that. I would rather...”

“I know. But the other option is far worse.” Angeal turned his head away, jaw clenched. “This is something you need to do,” the General concluded.

The large warrior watched Zack sleeping. Sephiorth had never seen him look so obviously fearful. Uncertainly, he rubbed his face. Finally, he rolled his shoulders. He stood again, moving slowly. Genesis watched from his place along the wall, looking like he understood. After all...

What good was a virgin sacrifice, without the virgin?

Gently, Angeal shook Zack awake. The teen looked around blurrily, not entirely sure where he was for a moment. Then he remembered and closed his eyes with a resigned sigh. Angeal soothingly petted his student’s hair, hand trembling. Zack clued into this, face confused. “Angeal, what’s the matter?”

“Zack...do you trust me?” He had to ask, had to be reassured.

Zack was even more confused, rendered hesitant by the odd question. “Of course I do, Angeal. I don’t trust anyone more than you.”

Another knife to the heart. Angeal nodded, trying to be strong. “if I told you we could get out safely, would you be okay with that?”

Zack still didn’t get it, his innocent blue eyes staring at Angeal in the dim light. “What do you have in mind?”

Angeal steadied himself, grasping Zack’s wrists and pulling him so he was straddling the SOLDIER’s lap. Zack allowed himself to be positioned, his body compliant. Only when Angeal reached for the zipper of the uniform’s pants did he move, did he understand. “No,” his voice was soft with shame and fright. “I c-cant...”

Angeal didn’t let him finish the statement. If he stopped now, he would lose Zack forever. He drew the teen to his chest again, fingers pressing to Zack’s neck. “I’m sorry, puppy. But this is the only way.”

Genesis and Sephiroth were wisely quiet, but their presence was not forgotten. Zack gave them one miserable look before turning back to Angeal. His mentor was a wall of safety and comfort. This would change everything. A wave of terror swept through him. His breathing sped up again as he shifted. Angeal was patient, remorse making his movements slow.

Zack shook his head when Angeal tried to remove his shirt. “Let me keep it. Please?” The First nodded, making quick work of Zack’s pants instead. Zack went crimson with shame, burying his head in Angeal’s neck again. “I can’t...”

Angeal paused, forcing out words he’d never once thought he would say to any of his students, especially not to Zack. To save Zack’s life, he reminded himself. “Zack. You need to spread your legs.” Somewhere, in the panicked brain, the order registered. With a slight movement, Zack did as he was told, silken legs widening. Angeal rested his hand on the small of his back, as if he was trying to calm a skittish animal. Taking a steadying breath, he slipped his hand down, caressing over warm curved skin. A small bottle landed next to him and Zack started at the sound. Angeal picked it up and was grateful for the small tube of lotion that only Genesis would carry into a hostile situation. Snapping the lid open, he slicked his fingers with the sweet smelling liquid. Zack, his grip tightening, started to shake slightly. “Zack, I need you to keep breathing normally, no matter what.”

His student started to nod, but his shaking impaired even that simple movement. Angeal parted him as tenderly as possible, and rubbed one finger over his student’s entrance. Zack jumped at the contact, panic increasing nearly ten-fold. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He wanted to go home.

Angeal watched this, concern turning to his own panic. If Zack did not relax, this would cause him insurmountable pain. The fingers of his clean hand found pressure points on Zack’s body, forcing the physical effects of the fear away. “Puppy, remember what I said. Breathe, okay?”

Zack flinched at the nickname. He didn’t want Angeal to be nice about this. He wanted to be able to forget all about this when he got home. Pretend this was a stranger touching him in this way. But his mentor was the same patient, reassuring man as always. Slowly, Zack took a deep breath. And another. And another. Angeal’s finger was still tracing his most intimate place, and with a weak nod the finger breached him.

It hurt. Angeal would tell by the tensing of his student, his shoulders stiffening, that it hurt. He wished he could be patient, and gentle, and slow, but they were running out of time. Zack was too tight for even one finger, let alone two. And all the protective emotions Angeal thought he was doing so well to ignore clawed up his throat. He whispered softly in Zack’s ear, his tone of voice reaching Zack even if his words didn’t. The tension loosened slightly, and Zack had a little more room to give now. A second finger was slipped inside and the two began to stretch and prepare the teen. And Zack was making noises now, little whimpers of pain every so often, quiet, like they were trying to be suppressed.

Zack’s head jerked down when the fingers were removed. Angeal unzipped his pants, forcing himself to become aroused. It was too easy. How many times had he imagined his student like this? Now that it was a reality, it was all he could do to keep himself from being sick. Zack’s eyes widened and with a noise of distress, he tried to jerk away. Angeal held him tight, guiding the teen’s head to his shoulder. “It’s okay. You don’t need to look. I’ll take care of you.” He repeated the same phrases over again. “I’ll take care of you.”

He entered as gently as he could, but Zack still cried out in pain. He could feel the wave upon wave of hurt, embarrassment, and terror rolling off his student. It wasn’t fair. Zack was too young, too innocent for such a thing to happen. Still, Angeal pressed inside, inch by inch. He realized that the side of his neck was wet. He paused, hearing the same word muttered over and over again, brokenly. The knife in Angeal’s heart twisted so painfully that he nearly couldn’t breathe.

Zack was crying for his mother.

He could feel, rather than see, Sephiroth and Genesis move toward them, concerned. He waved them off, hiding Zack carefully against his body. He forced himself to finish, orgasm short and unpleasant. He tried to incite a reaction from Zack, hand slipping between them to cup the flaccid organ. But the teen was far too terrified and upset for even his teenage hormones to take over. Angeal withdrew, nearly crying himself when he saw the blood staining his cock and pubic hair. Despite his upmost care, Zack had still bled.

Looks like the gods got their wish anyways.

Zack was still avoiding eye contact, his whole body deflated. He kept Genesis and Sephiroth in his sight, looking like he was afraid that it wasn’t over and now they wanted a turn. Angeal shook his head, pressing his hand to the hollow in Zack’s neck. Instantly, the teen slumped into unconsciousness, head lolling backwards. Angeal re-dressed him, hands unable to stop shaking. Sephiroth and Genesis didn’t say anything, unable to find the right words.

Angeal spent the hour before the first ray of dawn wondering if things would ever be the same.

waves flag I'm Alive! I Promise!

2009-06-20T00:36:05Z

QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS! Because I've been feeling a little bad for not doing anything...

"The problem with Livejournal:
We all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other.

So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!"

p.s 'm done school...so I have the chance to get some of the angsting out of me. But I'm also getting four teeth removed. Not so cool. It does give me an excuse to mope around drinking chocolate milk and write porn. So, maybe it's not such a bad thing.

RIP Lois Newsham

2009-05-27T04:58:11Z

I'm just letting you guys know that I will not be updating or uploading anything soon.
My grandmother died yesterday, and I just cannot stop crying.
I loved her very much and miss her so much.

FIC: Vulnerability (Reno/Cloud, R)

2009-05-08T03:24:45Z

Title: Vulnerability
Pairing: Reno/Cloud
Warnings: This contains yaoi, which means 2 people of the male gender having sexual relations. Also, Bondage, spanking, sex,
Beta: The fabulous etrix
Notes: Well, I wanted to try a new pairing. This is what happened.

“No.”

“Come on, Strife! You lost the bet fair and square.” The redhead pouted, trying to make a puppy dog face but only managing a smug fox-like appearance. “So please?”

Cloud sighed. “It wasn’t really a bet, considering you had an insider advantage. Rude is your best friend after all. You would have known he was going to ask Tifa out.” And that he was going to bring daises. Tifa loved daises. Cloud had told Reno so himself. It was so unfair.

“It was a bet, and I am hurt that you would suggest such a thing.” The grin on Reno’s face said it all though. He had known. He just hadn’t known the girl was going to say yes. Or that the flowers would work. He wasn't sure why, but girls loved flowers. “You said you would play with my fetishes for awhile.”

The blond didn’t say anything, just worried the inside of his cheek with his teeth. Could he really go through with...this? He had been prepared to wear some ridiculous leather get up. He could have handled doing it on Fenrir. But this?

Reno studied him. He didn’t exactly know when he had started dating Cloud-freaking-Strife. He’d kinda moved into the bar then kinda moved into Cloud’s room, but what always stunned him was that the swordsman had let him without breaking any limbs. He would have pegged himself the last man on this planet the blond would have gone for. They lived together, knew each others’ secrets but it seemed his lover still had trust issues Reno didn’t know what had happened to him in that lab. He didn’t want to know. “Are you scared?”

Cloud still didn’t say anything, but a reluctant shifting was all the answer Reno needed.

”I swear on my sister’s grave-“

“You don’t have a sister. You’ve never had a sister,” Cloud interrupted.

Reno ignored him, “-that I will not do anything you don’t want. Okay?”

Cloud sighed, looking up at Reno through his eyelashes. He stepped forward, studying the handcuffs on the bed. “Fine. You can do it.”

The redhead grinned, eyes roaming Cloud’s body, lingering on the lower half. “Great.” He lay down on the bed. “Strip.” Cloud frowned at the order, but started to unzip his shirt.” Nah, do it slowly, yo.” The blond blushed, but slowly removed his shirt. Reno went slacked-jaw when that delectably pale skin was revealed. Cloud stopped, folding his arms over his chest, blue eyes uncertain. “Keep going! This is hot, yo!” The blond sighed, and lowered his pants. He stepped out of them and stared at Reno.

“Now what?” His voice was quiet. Reno’s mouth went dry. Cloud wasn’t usually this submissive, but there he stood, waiting for instruction. “Tell me if you want me to stop and I will.”

The redhead stood, picking up the cuffs as he went. He grasped one thin wrist, fastening the steel over it. He led Cloud to the mattress and arranged him so he was on his knees, cheek resting on the bed, hands behind his back. Reno locked the other cuff, smiling as Cloud squirmed a little. Reaching under the bed, he pulled out another object. He slid two larger cuffs over Cloud’s thighs, a bar between them. With that done, Reno leaned back and admired his handiwork. The swordsman’s embarrassment grew as he realized just how exposed he was. His body was bent at an extreme angle which put everything on display.

He cupped his lover’s buttocks, the warm cheeks fitting in his hands. He chuckled. “I love your ass, Cloud. I stared at it all the time, back when you were in AVALANCHE. I still do.” He circled his thumb over the pink entrance, grinning at the shudder that racked Cloud’s body. “So beautiful.”

The Turk leaned forward and licked one long stripe down the crack. Cloud jerked as much as his bonds allowed, an unidentifiable but helplessly excited noise escaping from his throat. Reno couldn’t stop his smiling. To watch Cloud, stoic and serious Cloud, come undone like this was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

Cloud yelped when Reno smacked him, calloused palm against silky flesh and pain blossomed on his left cheek. He turned to look at Reno, eyes cautious. The redhead massaged the soft skin, marvelling at the red patch amidst the white. Reno smacked his other cheek and he turned forward again. He tried to deny a shiver of fear and delight. Reno saw it anyways.

“Do you want me to stop?” Reno’s voice was rough with want.

Cloud shook his head. “It’s fine,” he winced at how weak his voice sounded.

Reno didn’t ask again. Instead he concentrated on what he was doing, making sure to hit all Cloud’s sensitive flesh. Cloud closed his eyes, falling into a void. In it, Zack wasn’t dead. Aerith hadn’t been murdered. Sephiroth wasn’t trying to destroy the world. Sweat beaded on Reno’s forehead from the effort he was making. Cloud’s buttocks colored nicely, his fair skin turning from light pink to a rich red. He only stopped when tears glittered in the corner of Cloud’s eyes. He didn’t want to Cloud to be in too much pain. That wasn’t the point.

Cloud opened his eyes again as Reno gently kneaded his ass, massaging the hot skin. He draped himself over Cloud’s lithe body, leaning over to lick a stray tear that had fallen from a cobalt eye. “You okay?” Cloud nodded, blinking back tears. He gasped slightly, when he felt how hard Reno was through his pants, the budge fitting almost perfectly against his burning posterior. “Good.” Reno dropped a kiss to each cheek, an apology of sorts.

Long fingers wrapped around Cloud’s leaking erection. “You’re hard,” Reno said, hiding the relief he felt that Cloud had enjoyed it. “I guess you liked that as much as I did.” Then he chuckled, “Your ass looks so much cuter with a little red on it.” Shifting, he dipped his finger in a small bottle of oil. Slowly, he circled the man’s entrance with the tip of his finger. Cloud inhaled sharply, little bolts of pleasure shooting over his body from the sensation.

“Is this what you want, Cloud? You want me to fuck you?” The blond nodded with a whimper, his inhibition unable to stop him from pressing back slightly. Reno continued to loop around with his finger, never adding any pressure. “Beg for it.”

Cloud balked, his pride refusing to let him open his mouth. He couldn’t...he wouldn’t. But Reno was adding more pressure, pressing slightly against his entrance, teasing and enticing. Slowly, the redhead allowed the tip of his smallest finger to breach the opening. Cloud held onto his control for a few more seconds before gasping out, “Please.”

“Please what, Cloud?” Maddeningly slow, Reno sunk his finger in a little more. “What do you want, Strife?”

It was too much. Being exposed and being spanked, tied up with nowhere to go. Something in his mind snapped a little. He’d trusted the redhead this far... “Please, Reno. Please fuck me. Fuck me until I scream.”

Reno was a little taken aback, not expecting Cloud to utter words so filled with surrender. He slipped one finger fully inside his lover’s hot body. Soon, there were three, stretching Cloud who was groaning with need, telling Reno to hurry up, trying to rock Reno’s fingers deeper into him. But what finally broke the redhead’s control was when Cloud turned lust hazed eyes to him begging wordlessly for release. Hurriedly, the redhead stripped of his clothes. He slicked up his cock, hardened to the point where it hurt, and draped himself over Cloud again. “You feel this?” He punctuated his words by thrusting against Cloud’s body. “This is what you do to me, every single time.”

Cloud started to say something, but his words dissolved into a startled moan when Reno pushed inside. The redhead held still for a moment, the heat from Cloud’s backside filling his loins, before pulling out and thrusting back in. He didn’t encounter any resistance and there was no pain written across Cloud’s features, only relief and yearning and need.

He thrust in, hard, knowing he had hit Cloud’s prostate by the cry emitting from the swordsman’s throat. Cloud tried to move, but his bonds were too strong for even one with mako injections to break. He gave a frustrated whine. “What is it baby? You want me to touch you?” Reno cooed.

With his pride gone out the window, Cloud nodded. “Touch me,” he rasped. “Please.”

Reno wrapped his hand around Cloud’s dripping erection, pumping it in time with his thrusts. Cloud closed his eyes as that spot was repeatedly struck inside him. Heat and pleasure coiled in his lower stomach, making him go nearly crazy with want. Reno had a pattern. He would spin his hand around the base of Cloud’s cock then flick the head with his thumb.

Finally, his orgasm hit, stealing all ability to think, to breath. That void took over again. Dimly, he was aware of Reno grunting and groaning over him. A intense heat spread inside him, signalling the Turk had reached his peak as well. For a few minutes, they stayed like that, Reno still buried inside him.

Then, the other man moved. First, the restraints on his wrists were undone, then the ones around his thighs. Gently, he was laid down, the bed soft underneath him. He winced when his ass brushed a little too hard over the blankets, but nodded reassuringly to Reno. “I’m fine. Really.”

Reno nodded, grinning. His eyes roamed the naked body. “That you are, Strife.”

Cloud rolled his eyes, but held out his arms, inviting Reno to snuggle with him. They didn’t say anything, no sweet nothings, no exchanges of ‘I love you.’ They both knew they loved each other.

Any fool could see it.

I hurt...

2009-05-05T16:58:46Z

I aplogize for my crudenss...But my ass is so sore! As you may or may not know, I did the the 24 hour bike-a-thon at my school. I ended biking for 2 and half hours. And let me tell you, those seats were not comfortable.

I have DeviantArt. Finally. http://pricking-thumbs.deviantart.com/ if you want to add/watch

That is all, really.

HAI GUYS!

2009-04-29T05:57:52Z

Just bringing you an update in the world of...well...me.

I collected $218 for the Kids with Cancer Society. *pumps fist* Now all I have to do is bike for two hours, and we're good.

I got accepted to a writing program in a college. Apparently, the consider my writing good enough for them. So yeah!

For all you who love Angeal/Zack/Cloud, I have a new fic in the makings. If you read "Seperation" it is the morning after.

Also, I am working on a Kingdom Hearts mult-chaptered fic. It's probably going to be Riku/Sora but nothing is definitive at the moment.

Speaking which, I am starting that Yellow fanfiction. I'm only like one and half chapters in and it's already more than ten pages. -headdesk-

My camera decided to stop working. I am upset about this, because I won't have pictures of my graduation now. I will have to steal some from other people, which annoys me as I like having my own pictures. Boo.

I think that's it. My life is pretty boring.

FIC: Seperation (Angeal/Zack/Cloud Rated: R)

2009-04-23T04:54:42Z

Title: Seperation

Pairing: Angeal/Zack/Cloud

Warnings: Violence, attempted rape

Beta(s): Once again, the fabulous etrix, and my neighbour, who is awesome

Notes: So...The angst I've been working on... I have wrote this, re-wrote this, sent it to TWO betas, re-wrote it some more...and I'm still not sure if I'm happy with how this turned out. I tried, but I FAIL at angst! -sob- Maybe it's 'cause I'm sick... Also, I'm not leaving the ending where it is. A follow up fic will deal with the aftermath of what happens in this. -headesk-

“Something’s up.”

Angeal looked up from his book to study Zack. The teen was staring out the window in Angeal’s apartment, looking serious. Angeal waited for a good five minutes for Zack to finish that statement. When no other words came, Angeal prodded,

“Something’s up?”

Zack turned around, blue eyes nervous. “With Cloud.”

Usually, he would write Zack’s worries off as being overprotective-Gaia knew Zack did it to him more than once, but in this case, he had to agree. Cloud had been even more shy and quiet lately. Angeal opened his arms. Zack immediately nestled himself inside and sighed softly. Gently, Angeal carded his fingers through Zack’s soft hair. “Talk to me, puppy.”

Zack looked up, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “I’ve talked to his teachers, who say they haven’t noticed anything. His schoolwork is still excellent and he’s not missing any classes.”

Angeal chuckled, “And you say I’m paranoid.”

Zack glared and hit him gently. “Angeeeal! I’m serious. What if....I mean...What if it’s us?”

Angeal was quiet for a moment. “Zack, I don’t think he regrets making the decision to join us. You and I both know that he is not the one to make a choice like that without considering every angle. So no, I don’t think it is us.”

Zack smiled, resting his cheek against Angeal’s chest. “Why do you always know the right things to say?”

Angeal rolled his eyes. “It’s part of my charm.”

The two stayed like that, cuddling each other, for awhile. Then Zack broke the silence. “I’m still worried though.”

Angeal didn’t answer, but Zack knew he wasn’t the only one.

The next day, it was Angeal’s turn to interrupt Cloud’s class. Whispers rose up from all the corners in the room as Cloud got up from his desk. Once they stepped out into the hall and out of sight, Angeal hugged Cloud to him. The blond responded in turn, thin arms barely able to get around his body.

“We’ve been worried about you.”

Cloud blushed slightly, looking down. “Really? I’m fine, I promise.” He knew Angeal was giving him that look, the one that said ‘I know your lying, but I won’t push it.’

“Well, if you say so,” Angeal sounded doubtful but let it go. “Tell you what. Why don’t the three of us go out for dinner tonight? My treat. We can talk. We want to know how everything is going for you.”

Cloud looked up, a sweet smile on his face. Angeal had to smile in response. “That sounds nice.”

Then, the door opened. “Strife? Teach wants to know if you’re coming back.”

Cloud stiffened, eyes closing briefly in prayer, but not before Angeal saw the small flash of fear. Angeal frowned, studying this newcomer. He was tall, and would become powerfully built when he grew older. Newly developed muscles stood out underneath his uniform. His face looked like it was more prone to sneering then to smiling. Brown hair, cut short and shaggy, was flattened against his skull.

Angeal instantly disliked him.

“I’m coming.” With one nod at Angeal, Cloud stepped into his class. The other teen gave Angeal an indecipherable look. Before he left, Angeal stopped him.

“What’s your name, cadet?”

The teen puffed himself up. “Hikale, sir.” There was an undercurrent of sarcasm in his voice. Angeal studied him for a few more minutes, making the teen uncomfortable. Then, he nodded his dismissal. Not sparing one glance at the departing teen, he left.

At the end of class, Cloud took his time packing up his things. Everyone else walked on ahead. Deeming it safe, he slowly stepped out into the hall.

“Nice boyfriend you got there, Strife.”

Unwillingly, his body tensed but he ignored Hikale and kept walking. The hall was deserted, everyone had already run ahead.

It had started about a month ago. For some reason Hikale, older and stronger than he was, had decided that Cloud was a suitable target for torment. Everyone else was too relived to try and help the blond, so he put up with it. A small part of his brain screamed at him to tell Zack and Angeal about this. But if he wanted to learn to protect others, he needed to start protecting himself. He knew both his older lovers would be there for him, should he ask. But SOLDIERS, even the unenhanced ones, needed to overcome adversity.

He flinched as his shoulder was grabbed. Hiakle spun him around and slammed him into the wall. Cloud’s bag fell to the floor, spilling all the contents. The blond glared and tried to push back, to no avail.

“Get off me.” He kept his voice calm, not wanting to incur anymore of the bully’s wrath.

Hikale grinned, sliding one hand down between Cloud’s legs. The blond froze, panic stealing his breath away. This was new. “You are obviously fucking both of them. What’s one more, hey?”

Something snapped in his mind. Using a move Zack had shown him, he hooked his leg around Hikale’s. The older teen was off balanced and unprepared for this, especially when Cloud yanked him forward. He toppled forward and slammed his head on the unyielding wall. With a grunt of pain, his grip loosened on Cloud’s arm. Grabbing his stuff, Cloud ran down the hall. A scream of rage from the wounded cadet echoed in his ears.

It took a couple of hours for Cloud to calm down. Hikale wasn’t in strength training, or in mediation class. Knowing the older teen was probably at the infirmary, the teen’s heart finally stopped fluttering every time the door opened. He started to look forward to his date this evening, working hard so he would have little to no homework to worry about. The assignment wasn’t hard, and helped to calm him even further. Lost in different, distant worlds, the event with Hikale was a far-away memory. Before he knew it, it was time for his date.

He ignored the roughhousing of his bunkmates and dressed in casual jeans and shirt. Cadets were allowed out in the evenings, but had to be back by midnight, the standard curfew. A few of the teens his age joked about him going on a date, wanting to know who ‘she’ was. Cloud just smiled mysteriously, amused by the fact that they had no idea what was really going on. Sure, there were the few jokers that suggested there was something more going on with Zack and Angeal (like Hikale) but no one really suspected it was true. Zack and Angeal both had told him that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing, but Cloud felt it was better if no one knew for now. It would just complicate things.

Stepping out into the night air, he considered his options. He knew cutting across the open courtyards used for target practice would probably be his fastest option, but he didn’t want to get caught. So he decided to use the hallway where the unused science labs were. That would lead him right to Zack’s apartment. Angeal’s place wasn’t that far off either. He took the stairs two at a time, feeling excited. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t keep the smile of his face.

Out of nowhere, a weight slammed into his back. Caught unaware, Cloud barely was able to stop his head from hitting the ground. He was yanked around, and held to the ground. He looked up into Hikale’s face, terrified by the anger and lust there. But Cloud, having grown up in Nibelheim, had learned to defend himself from monsters at an early age. Using all the dirty tricks that would probably get him thrown out of the SOLDIER program, he fought back. Hikale soon received a gouged eye, nails across his cheek and a punch to the back of his neck. Blood flowed from his wounds, each a triumph in Cloud’s eyes.

But it was to no avail. Hikale, the son of a club bouncer, had grown up in Junon. And everyone knew there was nothing that could match the brutality of Junon’s bouncers. With a timed kick to the head, Cloud’s body was shocked into submission. He found himself on his back, staring up into Hikale’s bloody face. His vision blurred as his head wound made itself known.

“You stupid whore. You’re going to pay for that stunt earlier.” Cloud lashed out, clipping the teen in the face. But Hikale fought past the pain, and gripped both wrists. Cloud was spun onto his stomach, wrists tied with something that cut into the skin. He yanked hard, but only succeeded in cutting himself. He could feel blood start to run down his hands. Hikale felt around the small teen’s stomach, gripping the waistband of Cloud’s pants. Cloud’s breath expelled all at once when he realized what was going to happen. He fought and squirmed and tried to buck Hikale off his back, but achieved only a punch to the back of the head for his troubles. He managed to gather breath to scream for help when a large hand wrapped around his throat. “You do that, and I will kill you,” Hikale said flatly and definitely.

Cloud closed his eyes. Despite the fear he was feeling, he refused to cry. His body didn’t listen though, stiffening at the feeling of strange hands roaming his body. He inhaled shakily, trying once more to buck. Only Zack and Angeal were allowed to touch him there.

Hikale tilted his head to one side. “What’s the matter? It’s not like you haven’t done this before.” The older teen stopped, eyes lighting up cruelly. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin?” His loud, braying laughter echoed throughout the room. “I knew Hewley and Fair were pussies, but this is just too funny.”

Cloud grit his teeth in anger, his protectiveness over his two lovers drowning his fear for a moment. He glared over his shoulder. “At least they don’t have to rape people to get laid!’’He knew by the anger building on Hikale’s face, he would probably be paying for that little comment as well. Sure enough, his face was pressed even harder into the ground, while his attacker’s heavy erection pressed into his back.

Hikale gripped Cloud’s hips, preparing to thrust in. “Can’t rape the willing, can I now?”

Just then, the door opened. Zack stepped in. Unsure of where Cloud was, he set off down the path that Cloud usually took from the cadet's dorms. Now, he stood rigid, taking in the sight with wide eyes. His stare went to Cloud then to Hikale. His usually peaceful blue eyes went green with fury. Just before Hikale was ripped off of him, Cloud had a thought that made him almost laugh.

What an idiot. He goes to attack someone and doesn’t lock the door?

Angeal arrived just after all hell had broken loose. The sights were nightmarish. A half-naked Cloud, bound and bleeding on the floor. A fuming Zack punching the same teen he had seen this morning in the face. His brain snapped to attentiveness. He walked over and pulled his rabid puppy off.

Zack glared at him and his angry eyes glowed accusingly. “He...He tried to...” Zack’s body was practically quivering with anger.

I know. He’ll be dealt with. Right now, we need to help Cloud.” At Cloud’s name, Zack’s anger disappeared. He walked over and knelt next to Cloud, gathering him close and making soothing sounds while he assessed the damage done to the blond.

Angeal turned to Hikale, who was bleeding from the nose and mouth. “You disgust me. You will report yourself to Lazard or Sephiroth in the next twelve hours. Otherwise, I will come looking for you.” The teen’s face paled realized he was this close to being dead. He crawled away before standing up and running out the door. Angeal turned back to the other two. Cloud had passed out; his small body limp on Zack’s arms. His wrists were still bound.

“He used wire, Angeal. His skin is cut to ribbons.” Zack’s eyes shone with unshed tears. The SOLDIER closed his eyes, weighing the different actions that could be taken. The infirmary, which was the logical choice, was out. Too many questions, too many people, and too many chances for Cloud to start panicking. Sephiroth was away, as was Genesis.

`"Let`s get him back to your place. You have some potions there, don`t you?” At Zack’s nod, he led the way out.

Cloud opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. Zack’s apartment. That explained why his wrists didn’t hurt. Zack and Angeal were sitting on the couch opposite to his, arms wrapped around each other as they slept. Cloud watched them, tears welling up again. He remembered the anger that had crossed Zack’s usually good natured face, the sadness on Angeal’s. How could he live with being the cause of that? Standing quietly, he took ran his hand over Angeal’s face and Zack’s hair. He found a piece of paper and scribbled a note, too upset to make his writing neat. With one final look, he left the apartment.

Later Zack woke up, finding a small envelope on his chest. He read the one line, and let it fall to the ground. Angeal woke up to the sound of Zack wailing.

Zack. Angeal. I’m so sorry.

Cloud stared at the target, his practice rifle heavy in his hands. Caught up in his thoughts, he didn’t hear the instructor give the go ahead for the cadets to start shooting.

“Strife! I said fire!”

The blond, jarred out of his misery, raised his gun to his shoulder.

Two weeks had gone by. Cloud went to and from his classes, acting like a zombie. Hikale’s expulsion from the SOLDIER program was met with little interest. Thankfully, nobody made the connection between Cloud’s recent change in demeanour and the bully’s departure.

Every day, Cloud regretted his decision. But, he couldn’t change it now. If Zack and Angeal weren’t already disgusted with him, then they would be now. Still he couldn’t help but feel proud every time Angeal’s name was mentioned in the news, or Zack’s picture flashed across the announcement board. At night, he would cry silently, dreaming of warm eyes.

Zack stared out the window again, while Angeal sat on the couch behind him. The two were silent.

“I know I should be angry. But, I’m not. I’m just so...sad.” He turned his head towards Angeal. “I’m not being ridiculous, am I?”

Quick as a flash, Angeal wrapped his arms around Zack. “I feel the same.” He rested his head on Zack’s shoulder. “This is so fucked up.”

Zack laughed weakly at Angeal’s cursing. “We’re all screwed up, aren’t we?” He turned fully around, pressing soft kisses to Angeal’s face. “I love you. Don’t ever doubt that. But I feel like something is...missing.” Tears fell as he eyes stared up uncertainly, afraid of any anger or hurt his statement might have caused.

Angeal merely nodded, arms tightening. “I know. I know.” For one of the few times in his life, Angeal was unsure of what to do. Right now, he could only hold Zack as his gaze focused on the blue sky, so like the eyes of the one they both were missing.

Genesis, strangely, felt like he was a mother.

He had come back from a mission only to find that Angeal and his puppy were missing their chocobo. At first he was angry. Who was this child to cause such heartache?

But then he saw Strife, and he knew that he was missing Angeal and Zack as much as they were missing him. It was written so clearly across his blue eyes.

And since all parents were prone to meddle, he figured it was up to him to reunite these three. He just hoped Angeal wouldn’t kill him in the process.

Zack jumped when his phone rang. Too lazy to get up and find the damn thing, he smacked the speaker button. Angeal smiled at this. “’ello?” At first there was static, like someone moving around. Zack frowned. “Hello?”

“You don’t love them, do you?” Angeal frowned at Genesis voice, wondering if his friend had dialled accidently. But all doubt flashed away at the next voice.

“That’s not true.” Zack sat up at hearing Cloud’s faint voice, any thought that this was an accident, flashed away.

“Then why do you run away from them? I know Angeal and his puppy. They do not love conditionally. For some unknown reason, they both love you. I do not see why.” Angeal grit his teeth, resolving to kill Genesis slowly and painfully.

There was a silence. “You’re right. I don’t know why they love me. But know this; I love them with everything I have. They were there for me when no one else was. But they need to stay away from the poison that is me. I’m sorry every day that I hurt them. But the pain I caused them now is nothing compared to the pain I would have caused them down the road.”

There was another silence broken by the click of a tape recorder stopping. “So, Angeal, I believe for once...you owe me one.” Genesis’s voice was quiet. “I’m sorry if I hurt your little one. The ball is in your court, friend. Do with it what you may.”

In the end, they sent Cloud a letter that took a week to write. Zack kept changing the words, the sentences, the phrases until he felt they were perfect, then would change them some more, or cry on it. They settled on two sentences.

We love you, Cloud. Nothing will ever change that.

One rainy night, there was a weak pounding on the door. Zack sat up, blinking blearily. He stumbled over, cursing when he stubbed his toe. His ire died when he opened the door.

Cloud stood there, shivering, in the rain. In his hand, he clutched the letter Zack and Angeal had sent. His clothes were soaked and his hair was flat against his skull. Zack stared at him.

“Did you mean it?”

Now Zack wasn’t the most intelligent person when he had just woken up so “huh?” was the best answer he could manage.

Cloud shook the piece of paper. “Did you mean it?”

Zack focused his eyes on Cloud’s. “Yes. We meant it. We love you, Cloud Strife.” Despite the rain, he could tell Cloud was crying. “We love you.”

The smaller, wet body pressed against his, but he didn’t mind the soaking.

Angeal must have heard something, because he came out of the bedroom. Zack smiled happily, feeling so relieved that everything was finally right. Angeal ushered both of them into the living room. Cloud was clinging to Zack, but revelling in the warmth from Angeal’s body.

They had no idea how long they stood there, it didn’t matter, but eventually Angeal noticed Cloud’s shivering and sent him off to the shower. Before he could let him go, he pulled the blond in close for a long kiss. He ran his hands over the narrow back. Cloud pulled away slightly when he reached the small of his back, right before the swell of that tempting rear. “I-I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Angeal nodded, pressing soft kisses to the top of the wet hair. “That’s alright. Go, get out of those wet clothes. I’ll find some dry ones for you.”

Cloud looked like he wanted to protest, but obeyed. Angeal waited until the water was running before he went to look. He found a old shirt and a pair of shorts that would do fine for now.

Zack was still a little loopy from waking up to find out the thing he had been hoping for came true.

Zack hugged Angeal, sighing. “He came back, Angeal. He’s home.”

The burly man nodded. He had both of his babies. Nothing would ever take them away again.

Cloud was waiting, naked except for a large towel that swallowed him, for Angeal when he came back. He blushed when Angeal scanned the outline of his body, but smiled shyly. Angeal placed the clothes in a pile on the counter before leaving.

When Cloud came out, both Zack and Angeal’s mouths went dry at just how young and vulnerable the teen looked in the clothes that dwarfed him. Blue eyes became uncertain, as Cloud fiddled with the hem. His eyes went to the floor.

“I’m...”

Zack stood, pulling Cloud to him. Like Angeal before, he kissed Cloud. The scent of his shampoo assaulted his senses as he again was just so happy that Cloud was back.

“We’ll talk in the morning, right Angeal?” The SOLDIER nodded, watching both of his younger lovers with his warm eyes. “We should sleep right now.”

Later, in bed, Cloud was comfortable. Angeal had arranged it so that he could wrap his arms around both Zack and Cloud. He whispered loving things to them, making Zack roll his eyes but smile contentedly all at the same time. Cloud was happy, surrounded by forgiveness and love. Although there was obviously some feelings that needed to be sorted out, Cloud knew one thing: Everything was going to be alright.

Stolen from etrix

2009-04-22T00:09:38Z

How will you be defined in the dictionary?

bloodparade [adjective] --

Pretentiously academian